A Shy Girl's Guide To Making New Friends

Because it's not always an easy task.
by Frances Beltran   |  Dec 1, 2015
PHOTOS The CW
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Some might say making new friends is easy. But for people who are scared of person-to-person interaction, anxious about what to say in public, socially awkward, and physically unable to compose coherent sentences when put on the spot, cozying up to someone you just met isn't exactly a walk in the park. But worry not, Candy Girls, because we've got you covered. Ever heard of that old saying, "No man is an island?" Well, we already have 7,107 of those here, so after following these simple steps, we can assure you that you'll be making friends in no time at all.

 1  Befriend the quietest person in the room.

Chances are, they're just as nervous as you and you won't have to worry aboutthem being way too outgoing for your taste. You'll be hitting two birds with one stone if you go up to the silent soul and strike up a fun conversation to keep the both of you occupied and entertained.

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 2  If you feel awkward, don't use your phone.

The point of attending a public gathering is to be sociable–sitting at a lonely table while everyone is out chatting as you practically blind yourself with the gleam of your phone is not exactly going to help the situation.

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 3  Take baby steps.

You don't have to plunge headfirst into the spotlight to make new friends. Sure, you might have to exit your comfort zone a little, but not to the point of overdoing it. Just find one person or a small group you think you can acquaint yourself with and let fate handle the rest.

 4  Find common ground.

Don't tiptoe around what you want to know. Ask relevant questions to gauge your compatablity. It always helps to ask them where they're from or where they hang out often to see if you can find any mutual friends or experiences to bond over.

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 5  Ask them about themselves.

  

If there's one topic everyone is undoubtedly an expert on, it's themselves. You and your acquaintance may seem to not have any common interests the first time you meet, but if you ask them exciting questions they'll be sure to reply with an equal amount of gusto.

 6  Smile.

Whether you feel as jolly as a kid on Christmas Day or as neutral as an athlete winning in a trial round, shed some light on a bleak situation with a cheerful little grin. In a world full of people who find it easier to scowl than smile, a playful turn of lips go a long way. Never forget the power of an infectuous smile; if you affect people positively, you're bound to yield even more positive effects.

 7  Real talk > small talk.

Don't ask them if they think the weather's nice or how bad the traffic was on their way to the venue. You're trying to make friends, not orchestrate an interview for the country's next best weather forecaster or MMDA reporter. Get straight to the good stuff! ask them if they'd ever watched the gig of the band playing on the speakers, and if they haven't, find out what concerts have they've gone to! Sometimes all it takes to be interesting is to be interested.

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 8  Lower those walls.

Fear will get you nowhere in the real world, and that applies especially for social situations. Just for the night, try to keep your guard down and be open to new personalities. If you're afraid of rejection or not meshing well, just remember: your walls might keep pain out, but it will also prevent happiness from coming in.

 9  Follow your gut.

You don't have to force yourself to befriend someone you're uncomfortable with. If you don't think things are going to work out after a generous amount of hangout time, then do yourself a favor and find someone else to hit it with. In real life, all it takes is one genuine and natural click between two people to know if a friendship is real.

 10  Focus on the person.

Foolproof trick: When conversing with someone, give them all your attention. It's easy to spot a drifting mind and blank stare, so since uninterested and distant is not exactly what you want to come off as, make sure to really immerse yourself in the conversation.

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 11  Don't overthink your actions.

Maybe you're shy because you're scared no one will talk to you, or because you don't think anyone will have the same interests, or because you feel like you're just not interesting enough. Whatever the case, just remember this: In making friends, the only boundaries that hold you back are the ones that you create for yourself.

REAX!
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About the author
Frances Beltran
Candymag.com Correspondent
Frances is a 15-year-old student from Saint Pedro College. If she's not writing stories, DIY-ing crafts and accessories, styling both herself and friends, binge watching TV shows, acting or singing on a stage, then you'll probably find her obsessing over her meticulously assembled Instagram captions or attempting to achieve the perfect flat lay.
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