I truly appreciate that you could see through me. For noticing the marks of tears and exhaustion in my eyes and for celebrating my glorious days in silence. To answer your question, you have to understand that I am vulnerable no matter how tough I look in my skinny jeans and V-neck shirt. I am tainted and strengthen by tribulations and mistakes, crushed by broken relationships and friendships, and victimized by the adverse effect of social media.
I may be alone in this big city, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes, my coffee tastes so much better when I'm alone.I know that you are watching me from afar somehow. For now, I'm okay with the thought that you are busy exploring the deepest caves and canyons of the world and of your soul.
Yes, you are right. I don't believe in love the way I used to. Some days, I bury love in the grave of my heartbreaks and bad decisions. I did some updating with my fairy tales, too. Yet, I am open to the possibility that you are still alive and we could be together soon. It is a blessing to have the chance to figure things out on your own. For loveis freedom founded by kindness and selflessness. Sometimes, love is letting things be.
When the stars align for us, I want us to savor our freedom to see the exceptional beauty of this planet. I want to listen to your childhood stories without looking on my phone. I want to make coffee for two on a lazy Sunday as Maroon 5's "Sunday Morning" plays on the background. I want to be honest and tell you where and what I want to eat so you won't waste your energy guessing. I want us to have long walks and long talks as if we hold time in our hands.
Just like you, I am neither perfect nor a heroine. I'm not a princess. I am a book lover who is never quite close to Shakespeare's fair lady. I'm weird but real. I'm trotting the globe before my feet and body surrender. So, get up from that park bench and traverse new places because I will never be too far from you. Stop waiting for me and go ahead. Embrace the new emotions and challenges that you'll conquer.
I will be there on the next bus ride that you'll take or on the next flight that you'll board. I will be there to witness the best sunset and sea of clouds with you. I will be there as soon as we outgrow our self-inflicted drama and as our hearts learn to love solitude and all the worn-out parts of our lives.
When we finally meet, I hope and pray that we are in our euphoric state so we could love each other by choice and not by mere necessity of two lonely souls.
The girl who wants to be alone for now
Mehfrell Javellana blogs at mepo.klintgem.com.