7 Things To Consider Before Giving People A Second Chance This Year
2016 means new beginnings–new relationships, new friendships, new memories, and new adventures. This is your time to shed off old skin and be reborn into the person that you've always wanted to be. But how can you move on to the future, if bits and pieces of your past insist on reappearing? Specifically, what do you do if an old flame returns with new promises?
Before jumping into anything, take a walk and get a breather as you mull over these 7 essential thoughts.
"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."
When you meet someone who entices your senses and creates flashes of electricity through your veins, you will feel as if you've been lit up. You feel the thunder inside of you, buzzing with adrenaline and the possibility of something absolutely wonderful amidst risk. But once you let this overpower you, you might find yourself struck by the force of it all and unable to recover. Despite this, you still might bounce back and choose to try it–the feelings, the threat, the everything–again. Anyway, lighting never strikes in the same place right? Though then again, there's a first for everything.
Idea vs. Person.
Once you've latched on to someone, your heart has a funny habit of amplifying every single good trait about that person. And although it's always good to look at the positive side of everything, this tendecy will make you fall prey to tunnel-vision thinking and blindness in terms of rationality. You end up creating an exaggerated version of the person to cater to your personal fantasies, and this image that you've conjured up is what you eventually fall for. Before giving anyone a second chance, stop for a second and think: Who do I want? The person or the idea?
Perspective of both sides.
Deciding whether or not to give someone a second chance is a battle between the head and heart. When faced with conflicts like this, our feelings tend to cloud our judgement thus leading us to act on impulse. Learn to find the balance; this way, your instinct will never outweigh your intelligence.
It's natural to agree to give someone/something another shot under new, revised-since-the past terms; it's just right that you know that you deserve to have a certain standard for your friendships that will not be tolerated if disregarded. But telepathy and mind-reading is a feat that only really exists in movies and fiction–even with the best communication skills, you still don't know what ulterior motives (if any) are hiding up your person's sleeves. Can you manage a compromise? Or will it be a dealbreaker if they can't strictly comply?
Their role in your life.
Don't believe what romcoms and teen romance novels tell you–if you feel dependent on a person for your happiness, they are not good for you. Anything that intoxicates your mind that way is an addiction that cannot and should not be patronized. If you find yourself unable to function or proceed with your life without them beside you, it's time to get up and get a reality check–being wrapped around someone's finger is not love. You call that control. And anyone who makes you lose your grip of yourself must never be held onto.
Just because you miss them, doesn't mean you need them.
When a patient is amputated, they often complain of phantom pains, aka feather-light pricks of discomfort on the part of their body that was removed as if it was still there, tangible and present. Sometimes, people are like that too–if they created a mark in your heart, it's natural to feel the hole once they've taken that piece away. So if you start seeing their face in every single person you meet, it's not a sign from above– it's just an everyday occurence.
Is this what's best for you?
Sometimes when dealing with emotions, the best thing to do is to take a step back and just shut them off. Forget what you feel, and remember what you deserve. You are allowed to miss the people who were bullets to you, but do you really want to give them the opportunity to shoot again? When conflicted with the decision to give someone a second chance or not, know your worth and don't settle for anyone who thinks otherwise.