6 Ways to Support a Friend Who's Not Over Somebody Yet
The feeling of not being able to get over somebody (be it an ex or a crush) is grueling, arduous, and tiresome, but getting over it is easier said than done, especially when it involves feelings that one can't help but have.
As a bestie, it is important that you support your friend in emotionally tough and trying times. Although it might not seem like that big of a deal to some people, you know that your friend's mental well-being is super important, so here are ways you can be there for him/her every step of the way.
You will encounter days when your friend just wants to rant and talk about her feelings. Although you might start to feel annoyed at how repetitive things are getting, understand that your friend just needs an outlet for the sadness she is experiencing. TBH, she probably knows how unbearable she can be at times, but she probably just wants to be assured that somebody's still willing to stay even if she's being difficult.
Save the lecture for another time. For now, she just needs your assurance.
- Make your friend remember who she is.
After coming out of a relationship, it can be hard for someone to bounce back to how they were like before it. Heck, they might not even fully remember how they were before the relationship. When your identity has been tied to that of another for so long, a breakup can really feel like the loss of your hypothetical other half. This is why as the bestie who has been there through thick and thin, it is your job to remind your friend how awesome she was before the relationship. After all, your friend is an absolute boss who don't need no man!
- Don't trigger your friend.
Make it a point to be careful with what you say or talk about around your friend, especially when it comes to things that are closely related to her ex. Your friend is in a really sensitive place at the moment, so as much as possible, treat her ex like He Who Must Not Be Named. Your bestie will get over it eventually. For now, it would be best not to expose her to her inner demons while on the road to recovery.
- Be the distraction.
In comedic spy movies, there is always someone who serves as the distraction so that the other spy can sneak in and fulfill the mission. Like that scenario, serving up some distractions for your bestie will actually fulfill your mission of getting her back to her old, awesome self again. The last thing your friend needs to get over someone is to be reminded of her ex. Start off by going on fun outings, road trips, or even simple hang-outs; binge watch your favorite show, go on shopping trips, or even go to the gym together!
- Respect her space.
There will be times your friend will act up despite your best efforts to help her forget about He Who Must Not be Named. Know that these are not directed at you personally because sometimes your bestie may act without thinking things through. Maybe she just isn't ready or in the mood to hang out or meet new people just yet. Although you want her to get better stat, it's important to respect her pace and emotions as well.
- Don't make it awkward.
The last thing you want to do is to make things awkward. This is especially true if you are friends with the ex, too! You might have good intentions, but make sure you don't overemphasize the problem. Keep a low profile and be the anchor that keeps her grounded in reality, because what your bestie wants the most now is to return to a sense of normalcy.
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Outdoors Danielle Flestado @artdkf | May 1, 2020 "I miss the outside world. The last time I went outside of our house was on my birthday. We just bought coffee across our village and went back home immediately. This painting made me feel that I'm in a field, just appreciating the beauty of God's creation. Can you imagine the green grass and pink flowers?"
When everything around you suddenly turns dark, the first thing we'd prolly do, as humans, is to find and grab anything that is closest and nearest to us. We'll hold onto them for as long as we can, trying to collect ourselves and gather courage to adjust our eyesights to the pitch black environment that's consuming us minute by minute. And then you'd hear nothing. Your sense of hearing would somehow go off after not seeing anything for quite awhile. You'll let loose. Cry. Panic. You'll be exhausted for fighting your way out. Then just when you're about to stop and give up, you're no longer afraid. There's only this deafening silence and pithole of darkness that's gonna eat you up alive. And surprisingly, you'll make a home out of it.
You'll make a home out of the darkness that when a ray of light suddenly hits you, you'll try to avoid it. You'll try to cover your eyes. You'll try to cover your ears from the voices trying to help you get out of it. You'll try to hide because your mind and body will go against your will to come out and live. Because the darkness that used to scare you, now comforts you in a way you thought has helped you survived life. And you'll try to live. Day by day. In the darkness. Not knowing where to go. Not knowing where to start. Not knowing who is with you. You will try to live until the darkness that once surrounds you is now within you. And everyday, it's gonna be a cycle of subtle torture. But let me tell you a secret. The darkness won't make you whole.
You'll be broken. And in those hair-like cracks, the light will stubbornly fight its way through until it warms you up. Until you realize to check the switch and turn it on. Until you allow other people to help you find your way back in the light. Until you realize you're ready to live in light again. There's a light at the end of this long and dreading tunnel. The only question that matters: will you let them in?
I always thought of life, like a bead where each piece makes it worth sewing together with other piece of beads to make a stronger bond and to create a beautiful result. Today, how do we bond well with different people especially this difficult time? As this day challenges us to a new normal, may we continue to bead along positively with our life.