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6 Things People With Single Moms Can Relate To

"So, asan ang tatay mo?"
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The image a lot of people have of a perfect family is a mommy, a daddy, and their children. But, this isn't the case for a lot of people.

I grew up with only my mom by my side, and many are in the same situation that I was once in. From the day that I was born up to the age of fifteen, my mother was the only parent I ever knew. As I grew older, I noticed that most kids my age had fathers and yet, I stood alone. I also noticed I could relate to things only those in a similar situation as me could relate to. Here are a few:

  1. You grew up believing that women can do both.

In the world that we live in today, many still believe that men and women should always fit into a certain gender stereotype. If they don't, then there's something wrong with them. Now, society is more accepting of breaking those stereotypes, and single moms do so more than anyone else. They the bills, they get things done, they are the one person that helps you keep yourself together at all times.

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  1. You're used to telling her everything.

Growing up with you and your mom around means having to get used to being around each other all the time.  As you grow older, you find it hard to even think about lying to your mom. You envy your friends who can say, “Gagawa nalang ako ng dahilan" or tatakas nalang ako," without feeling a shiver of guilt crawl up their spines. You envy them because you know you could never do the same. My mom knows a lot about me, from the first time that I lost a tooth up to the first boy that broke my heart. You tell your mom, but not because you feel like you can't tell anyone else. You tell her because deep down, you know she'll be able to understand you the most.

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  1. She can get very protective of you.

You know she's only doing it because she wants to protect you. Still, her over protectiveness can become a little too suffocating at times. Going out with your friends is hard because you have to ask days in advance. Even when you do, there's still no guarantee that you'll be able to go. You're amazed when you see the snaps of your schoolmates out with their friends going home at 12 in the morning. Meanwhile, while you still have to follow your bed time. You don't dwell on it too much though, because you know that no matter how much you fight with her, your mother is only doing what she feels is best for you.

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  1. When it comes to your mom, you have no shame.

Your mom was there with you to ugly cry about your first heartbreak. She's the one that—for the girls out there—taught you how your period works, and how much period cramps suck. She has been with you through thick and thin, and when you grow up, you hope to do the same for her. You couldn't imagine up and leaving her. Meanwhile some of your friends that plan to leave as soon as they save up enough money. She was the one that changed your diapers all those late nights. She fed you even when you didn't want to eat, and led you to be all that you are today. One day, you hope to do the same for her.

  1. You've heard "So, asan na tatay mo?" one too many times.

Ah, the patriarchal views of society that only seem to grow with every day that passes. How refreshing. Growing up, I heard a lot of people ask me this question. There was a point where I felt like lying and telling them that he died instead of having to go through the whole story. What's worse is when they ask you if you're happy afterward—no, they ask if you're happy happy, which is "impossible" without a dad. You've learned to tune out these kinds of people out because hey, they probably just don't know better.

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  1. She is your best friend, through thick and thin.

Yes, you argue a lot and yes, there are times when having a single parent can be tough. For your mom, it means double the stress, double the workload, and double the responsibility of being a parent. However, all that stress means nothing to her as long as she is able to make you happy, and that's why you love her with all of your heart. She is there for you no matter what, and has done nothing but fight for you and support you since day one, up to her very last breath, and you love her more than anything in the world because of that. That is, you hope, something that will never change.

Yes, this definitely doesn't apply to all single moms, or to single parents in general, but it might be something a lot of people can relate to. Your mom is where your world begins. She is the force that guides you all throughout your life, and all that she asks is that you reach your end where you started: with her. So, if you've been feeling a bit distant from your mom, whether she be single or married, maybe it's time to give her a little call.

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Know of other things only children of single moms can relate to? Share them in the comments below.

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About the author
Gaby Agbulos
Candymag.com Correspondent
Gaby Agbulos is a strong, determined spirit that enjoys doing anything as long as the people she loves with her. She enjoys listening to music, writing stories, and meeting new friends, especially if by friends, you mean puppies.
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Serene Fae 17 hours ago

"The paradoxical idea of attaining a happier life and how to withstand these beliefs."

The Revolting Truth About Happiness by Theserenefae

If people ask you about your vision of a happier life we automatically envision ourselves having more money, true love, a better job, Instagram-worthy vacations, etc. But let me break this to you this, According to Dr. Laurie Santos, Professor of Psychology at Yale University and the voice behind The Happiness Lab podcast, "Most of the goals we think would make us happy do not really make us happy." And why is that? Simple, being happy is all in our minds. The human mind ploys us with these lenses on how we envision ourselves and our lives to be happy. The perception of "having" or "gaining" is the exact opposite of what will truly make our lives better. So how can we really be "happy"?

• Seek happiness inside you. This is a quintessential reason for our vision of happiness: misconceptions about having a lot of money would make me happy; owning this and that would make me happy; entering a relationship would make me happy. This is not the case, if you want to be truly happy with your relationship, you have to be already happy on your own. If you want satisfaction from others, you have to be satisfied with yourself. And so on.

• Fill that hole righteously We all have that tiny hole inside our hearts, tampering it with temporary band-aids. Fill this hole with purpose. Have you ever heard about The Three "M's"— Master, Mission, and Mate? Define who will be your Master, is it God? If that's so, your Mission could be following his words and will. Mate would be the last for they will be the best companion to fulfill your mission. Now hear me out, it is important to do this accordingly. We often times jumble it or invert it which can lead to failures.

• Give gifts to others. The wonderful grace in giving. There’s nothing like the rush of pure joy when you get a chance to give. However, this may not be something that we're used to. But apparently, openhandedness is our soul's true shape. As Eugene Peterson put it, "Giving is what we do best. It is the air into which we were born." This doesn't necessarily mean we have to give away our stuff but we can also present love, kindness, gratefulness, etc. in our own simplest ways to anyone such as giving time, encouragement, helping hand, or even forgiveness. Try giving and you'll receive inconceivable gifts in return.

• Savor moments. Savoring deeply intensifies our positive emotions while doing something that we love the most by simply stepping outside of the experience to review and appreciate the moment. You can practice this by having a delicious meal, reading a good book, or any activity that you enjoy and love. It can also be enhanced by sharing these experiences with others, appreciating such amazing moments, or staying present the entire time.

• Choose to Love Deeper Today's society relentlessly pressures all of us to have this "perfect" lifestyle such as pursuing careers that drain you, finding value through virtual world and purchases, letting achievements become your whole identity, and yet after all that you still feel empty and failure inside. Consumption is just skin deep—a shallow perception of happiness. Deep life brings the best out of us and others. It is about nourishing what you already have, focusing on the relationships than material wealth, becoming vulnerable at times, and being self-aware.

• Understand that Sufferings and Pain are part of Human Being. Always remember that loneliness and sufferings are inevitable. That is completely how life goes. You may be happy for a moment or a month but sooner or later great tribulation will start to kick in. Combat despair with graciousness. Count all the blessings that you have (and will have in near future, claim it!) by writing it down on a piece of paper or typing on your phone. Viola! an instant boost for happiness. We all know the fact that this superficial happiness won't work, but why do I keep on wanting? I already have all this wisdom about how to be happy for ages, but why can't I apply it to my own life?

First, you have to understand that simply knowing doesn't change your behavior. Care to realize that all the tips that I have mentioned are all verbs? Because at the end of the day, it is all about how you choose to be happy and initiate actions towards success. Know, reflect, visualize, believe, and do something about it. All of these are Actions! This is the secret of all the happiest and most influential people in the world—actions. Furthermore, do know that some of these tips do not work instantly most of the time. It requires a lot of time, motivation, consistency, and effort. I do know it's easier said than done. Take each of them slowly, one step at a time.

If it wasn’t for pain, I wouldn’t be alive. It may sound contradictory, but it’s true. Pain reminds me that I can feel, along with other emotions. Pain reminds me that I can heal, just like how I did in the past. Pain reminds me that I am strong and I can do better. It reminds me that life can be bitter, and it is up to us to make it a little sweeter (or saltier, depending on what the person wants).

With this epiphany, I take pain in a positive light. It’s normal that it can break me and make me want to stay in bed all day, but having someone or something remind me that there is hope is enough. It’s normal that I cry my heart out, but it’s important to remember that there’s a calm after the storm. If it wasn’t for pain, I wouldn’t be who I am now. It has shaped me and how I look at things. It has changed the way I approach circumstances that can challenge me and my beliefs.

Pain, back then, made me cower in the dark. Pain used to be my biggest fear, and I used to do my best to avoid pain. However, I realized that avoiding pain is like avoiding life. Because of how I wanted to protect myself, I closed myself off to people and opportunities. I used to tell myself that “this will end badly”, or “this is going to hurt in the end”. I always focused on how much pain I might endure in the end that I forgot to enjoy the process.

It’s inevitable, you see? Endings, most of the time, may hurt. It’s natural for us to grow attached to someone or something, and their disappearance might bring us a lot of pain. However, one should always remember that the pain is a reminder of how close you became, how many memories you had. If it wasn’t for pain, life would be pointless. If it wasn’t for pain, we would be nothing.

margaux marie 17 hours ago

19 year old pharmacy student-businesswoman from Pampanga. I, Kimberly Chaile D. Ocampo, started planning my own business back when I was 18 years old. Despite being a student, that did not stop me to work and start up something for me to earn my own money. I was also influenced by my parents who are both hands on when it comes to the marketing world. I have decided to start my own mini restaurant/fast food restaurant recently (Feb 2020) and it was named as “Hungry Hubb”. From the word itself which is “Hungry” we thought of something that would give people the biggest hint that we sell food.

Because of the sudden quarantine, every store was forced to close for our own safety that is why there was a sudden decrease on our sales. But Hungry Hubb managed to survive by focusing on online selling and social media promotion. Our best seller would be Shawarma salad which is mediterranean style. We add authentic Garlic sauce to our shawarma (Which is available in Wrap, Salad, & Rice). Every product that we sell are very affordable and delicious. Our starting price is only 50php. (Shawarma Wrap). For Shawarma Salad (70php). We also have Milktea (60php) and Rice meals such as Lechon Kawali, Chicken barbecue, and Pork Barbecue for only 120 pesos.

And of course, I wouldn’t make it up this far without the help of my family and friends who have supported be from the very start. This is an open letter and inspirational especially to students that want to earn their own money. Nothing is impossible. You just have to be determined enough to turn your plans into reality.

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