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5 Things Growing up Without a Father Taught Me

"We were once a picture of a perfect family but it all went crumbling down at some point."
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We were once a picture of a perfect family but it all went crumbling down at some point. There was once a man who I looked up to and now he's nowhere to be found.

Whenever I see a family at a restaurant, I would always think, "What went wrong?" There's always that tug in my heart then the hurt and envy would suddenly take over my mind and make me think for a moment, "Am I missing a lot because he isn't here?"

The answer is no.

After my father left us, I realized a lot of things, but that didn't stop me from enjoying life and cherishing every moment of it. I didn't limit myself from doing the things that I love. There's more to life than just sitting at a corner thinking of depressing memories of the past. 

They say that you should learn from your experiences and him leaving taught me a lot.

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  1. I learned to defend myself.

I was at a point where I thought I had nobody to protect me, but I realized that I forgot the most important person in my life: me! I stood up for myself to people who pushed me around and treated me like I'm a nobody. I let them know my worth and how strong I am even without a father.

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  1. I learned that family should always be first.

I wouldn't be here and be this strong if it weren't for my family. My best shared moments in my life have been with my family. Having no father taught me to value my family and myself more.

  1. I learned to live my life to the fullest.

I learned to enjoy every second, every minute, and every moment of it! Instead of thinking about what I didn't have, I spent my days with people who cared for me. I returned the love they have shown me.

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  1. I learned to be fearless.

I became fearless enough to face life's challenges. I saw it from my mom who was the one who taught me that I shouldn't let anything or anyone bring me down. I saw her break down but I also saw her rise up.

  1. I understood the value of unconditional love.

I grew up with my grandparents. My mom was working abroad when I was growing up so my grandparents were the ones who guided and took care of me. Because of this, I had the chance to feel a whole different kind of love from them. Even without my father, my grandparents made me experience the kind of love I deserve.

It wasn't easy growing up without a father. There's no one there to protect you, to rely on for advice when you have your heart broken. I know it's tough for some but for me, I had my family. They are the most precious gift I've ever received. The love and support they gave were enough to fill the hole in my heart and make me feel complete. If there's anything I'm now sure of is that not having a father doesn't make me incomplete and unwanted. In fact, I am thankful because if my father didn't leave us, I wouldn't understand the value of love, loyalty, and time. I wouldn't be stronger than I was before and I wouldn't be here if it weren't for the things his absence made me realize.

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About the author
Nicka Cassandra Jerao
Candymag.com Correspondent
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A community page where you can share your feels and show your skills! Learn more here

Sometimes we cannot tell anyone what we feel, and think. It's hard especially when you do not want anyone around you to worry. Why not turn your feelings and thoughts into something creative, like a poem? That's what I did several years ago while going through some hard times during my college years.

Here's a sample:

"Pressure"

College has started.

I was excited since then.

Meeting new people,

And creating more friends.

Different schedules every semester,

Sometimes overload, sometimes not.

New classmates every subject,

Some may be friends, some may not.

But the excitement disappears

When the pressure gets in.

Stress finds its way

To ruin my system.

Countless sleepless nights

Countless cramming days

When exams are getting nearer

You’ll maybe experience those.

For an average student like me

It’s so hard to settle things.

Though you tried your best,

Still you feel being a failure.

Sometimes giving up became a choice;

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Sometimes dropping became an idea.

But what‘s with those ideas?

They’ll never be an option.

The feeling that you want to stop,

The same feeling that you want to finish.

They are all stuck in your mind,

Like you’re giving up but cannot.//

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Have you been on this kind of state as well? If yes, I hope you find healing from this. Yes, nothing in this world seems easy but we can still find a way out and deal with our feelings in every creative way we can. Fighting!

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When everything around you suddenly turns dark, the first thing we'd prolly do, as humans, is to find and grab anything that is closest and nearest to us. We'll hold onto them for as long as we can, trying to collect ourselves and gather courage to adjust our eyesights to the pitch black environment that's consuming us minute by minute. And then you'd hear nothing. Your sense of hearing would somehow go off after not seeing anything for quite awhile. You'll let loose. Cry. Panic. You'll be exhausted for fighting your way out. Then just when you're about to stop and give up, you're no longer afraid. There's only this deafening silence and pithole of darkness that's gonna eat you up alive. And surprisingly, you'll make a home out of it.

You'll make a home out of the darkness that when a ray of light suddenly hits you, you'll try to avoid it. You'll try to cover your eyes. You'll try to cover your ears from the voices trying to help you get out of it. You'll try to hide because your mind and body will go against your will to come out and live. Because the darkness that used to scare you, now comforts you in a way you thought has helped you survived life. And you'll try to live. Day by day. In the darkness. Not knowing where to go. Not knowing where to start. Not knowing who is with you. You will try to live until the darkness that once surrounds you is now within you. And everyday, it's gonna be a cycle of subtle torture. But let me tell you a secret. The darkness won't make you whole.

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You'll be broken. And in those hair-like cracks, the light will stubbornly fight its way through until it warms you up. Until you realize to check the switch and turn it on. Until you allow other people to help you find your way back in the light. Until you realize you're ready to live in light again. There's a light at the end of this long and dreading tunnel. The only question that matters: will you let them in?

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