10 Signs You’re Turning Into a Toxic Friend

Here's a mighty plot twist that would blow your mind: What if you were unwittingly being that toxic friend that everyone secretly hates?
by Daryn Agapay   |  Sep 17, 2016
Image: Screen Gems
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Let's face it—nobody likes toxicity. Of course, we often attempt to avoid it as much as we can. But the sad truth is, we can't really run away from it forever. After all, who really wants to deal with that much negativity on a daily basis, right? But hey, here's a mighty plot twist that would blow your mind: what if you were unwittingly being that toxic friend that everyone secretly hates? Da da daaaaaa...

It's not too late though. You can still turn things around. Here are some things that make up a toxic friend and how to deal!

You're Always Talking Behind Other People's Backs

Nobody likes a backstabber. Do you think you could unwittingly be one? Well, when you constantly talk about other people behind their backs (particularly to badmouth them and rant about how much of a horrible person they are), then that doesn't make you a very good friend, honey. Why not confront that said person that irks you beyond what's even humanly possible and have some closure? It's seriously MUCH better than talking about her behind her back. What problems does that solve, really? Try to avoid spreading negativity please.


You Take More Than You Give

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When does "asking for " turn into "taking advantage of kindness"? To be honest, it's an infinitesimally fine line. You'll know you've crossed it when you begin to think, "oh, this person is super nice anyway, there's no way she'll say 'no'" and you start to shamelessly ask and ask for favors without offering one in return.

You Have Enemies—Lots of them

Sure, everyone has a hater or two (really, you could be the cutest little bunny in the world and there will still be that one person who hates bunnies more than anything in the world) it's completely unavoidable, really. But when you notice that so many people don't exactly like you? That could mean something. Try and check yourself.

You Create Drama Wherever You Go

You can't just walk from class to class without looking at others head to toe and judging them with everything you've got. That's not exactly the best habit to practice.


You Are Jealous

"Why does she have this and I don't?"

Instead of being grateful for what you already have and embracing your own uniqueness, you tend to look at others and compare—ergo, making you jealous when you find something that someone else has but you don't. Which often lead to envy, then resentment, then hatred. Enough with the negative vibes, please?

You Blame Others A Lot

Do you catch yourself blaming others for your problems? If you're late for school, it's always because of the irresponsible drivers causing traffic. If you didn't get a high enough mark, it's because the professor's out to get you, right?

You Are Passive-Aggressive

Say you run into some conflict with a friend. Maybe you don't like how she told someone else that secret of yours she swore not to tell anyone. Instead of confronting her directly, you choose to unfriend.

You're Controlling


Say you hate the way your friend talks, or how she dresses, or what she values, or the way she chooses books over parties that last until the wee hours of the morning. In short, rather than accepting her for who she is, you choose to change her. Much like Regina from Mean Girls with her possé, she tore them down and built them back up in her image. But hey, you absolutely cannot have friends who don't talk, walk, or act like you, right?

You're Not There For Your Friends When They Need You

Do you find yourself being extremely busy whenever your friends need you for help? (Or worse, you just pretend to be busy so you wouldn't have to deal with your friends' whining). It'd be a little unfair then if you demand your friends' presence when you need them yet you fail to fulfill the same obligation when an opportunity presents itself for you to do so.


You're Self-Centered

When a friend comes up to you and says "I've had SUCH a terrible day!" and your first thought is "well, it couldn't have been as bad as MINE!" Well...that's pretty self-centered right there.

Think you've crossed a few of those? Maybe more? Not to worry. It may make you fairly toxic to other people but you have to understand that you don't have to be that way forever! Remember, you are the choices you make in life. In this case, do you choose to remain toxic and be a terrible friend? Or do you choose to get out there and turn over a new leaf? It's never too late for change—it's really just a matter of mustering up the courage to take that initial step and eventually morph into inconceivable leaps and bounds. Let's make those jaws drop, yeah?

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About the author
Daryn Agapay
Candymag.com Correspondent
As a certified Candy Girl, I constantly push myself out of my comfort zone to experience all the adventure life can bring and to pour my heart out into everything I do. If I'm not writing, you may find me obsessing about cats, latte art, fashion, books, or french fries.
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