"I'm not like other girls" and Other Problematic Anti-Girl Behavior
Misogyny is exhibited in different ways, and it doesn't come as a complete surprise if we hear guys saying things that stereotype or even insult women, whether they mean it or not. But sometimes, the misogynistic, anti-girl comments and behavior come from women, who may still be holding on to the ideas they heard as they were growing up and consider them fact.
"But I'm a girl! How could I be a misogynist?" you might ask.
It might seem strange to think that a woman could do or say things that indicate a dislike for women, but remember that internalized misogyny is a real thing. Internalized misogyny doesn't necessarily mean that you hate women or believe that they're inferior; it manifests mainly through a distrust of other women, competition, and being judgmental of other women, among other ways, or behave in ways that try to gain the approval of men.
Just take for example a statement we hear all too often: "Malandi siya" or "Maarte siya." We judge someone as malandi or maarte even before we get to know them simply based on what they look like, and for some women, being malandi or maarte is reason enough to not like someone. The same attitude even extends to people we don't know. We see someone hanging out with a celebrity or a guy we like and immediately proclaim her malandi whether or not she is actually throwing herself at the person.
This thinking becomes even more harmful when directed at someone who just experienced an embarrassing moment or some traumatic incident, such as getting catcalled. There are women who have shared a story about getting catcalled, only to be told "Kasalanan mo yan, bakit ganyan ang suot mo?," "Ayan, malandi ka kasi eh," or any similar comment. This type of victim blaming seems to say that whoever we perceive as malandi only deserves to get whatever bad thing comes their way. Calling other women malandi seems to serve to differentiate ourselves—the moral and proper ones—from those who deserve shaming and misfortune.
Another example is saying, "I'm one of the boys."
Some women consider it a badge of honor to be told that they're koboy or one of the guys because what it means to them is that they're "cool," fun, and easy to be with.
But what that surge of pride in yourself is saying is that you're happy that you have been accepted by men. Your status among the guys can be pretty precarious, because the moment you behave in a way that is considered "girly," you will be subjected to comments like "Ay babae ka pala talaga," "Akala ko cool ka." And that's the point where it should become clear that there are guys who only think a girl is cool if they fit in and act "masculine" and that they still think other girls are weak, silly, and emotional.
Anti-girl behavior also rears its ugly head when women say things like "I prefer hanging out with boys. Girls have too much drama." It's certainly healthy to have friendships with people of the opposite sex, because you get other perspectives on issues and learn to deal with a wide range of attitudes and personalities. But saying that you prefer guy friends to girl friends because guys are easier to deal with buys into the common stereotype that women are too emotional and men are steady, level-headed, and logical. And this limits your ability to handle issues with different people, because you then get used to only certain types of interactions. Rather than avoid women and their so-called "drama," perhaps a good way to deal with things is to learn to be flexible in the way you handle your friendships and realize that people have different problems and need to be dealt with in different ways.
"I don't like girly things" is yet another example of internalized misogyny. Okay, so no one is saying that as a woman, you have to like all things feminine. It's perfectly fine if you really don't like engaging in activities or having items that are typically considered feminine.
But what's not good is when you make yourself sound unique among all of womankind because you like other things and when you put down other women who like, say, the color pink, makeup, rom-coms, trips to the spa, and shopping, just to name a few things that are generally associated with being a girl.
And it becomes even more of a problem if you actively suppress your interest in "girly" stuff just to sustain your image of being not-girly and "different." Which brings us to...
"I'm not like other girls." Saying this might sound harmless to you and is a way to boost your image. But what this is really saying is that you think less of other girls and that you think you're better than every one of them based on the way you think other girls are like—and this thinking is usually based on what we are often told about being feminine and being women in general.ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW
We hear that women are weak, overly emotional, and too interested in frivolous things and immediately see those as a bad thing, but we believe none of those traits applies to us personally. If we think that we're strong, smart, and multifaceted, then isn't it possible that other girls feel the same way about themselves?
It's true that you aren't like other girls—in the same way that no girl is exactly like every other girl in the world. But what we do have in common is that we all deal with misogyny in various forms, and it's a good idea to stand together against that instead of treating other girls like the enemy.
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Hi! It's been so long since I planned to post my story in another platform aside from wattpad and now here I am, hoping that my story can be featured here.
My story is entitle "Who Are You," it's a tagalog-english teen fiction story so I hope, those filipinos who visit here can read my story!
WHO ARE YOU: PRELUDE
Sinungaling na ba ako kung sasabihin ko sa inyo ang pangalan ko? Hindi ako sure kung anong sasabihin kong pangalan ko pero may nagsasabi sa aking wag nalang magpakilala sa inyo.
May gusto lang naman akong itanong... Paano kung may makilala ka sa kasalukuyan na nagpapaalala sayo sa nakaraan? Anong gagawin mo kung ang nakilala mo sa kasalukuyan ay may tinatago pa lang sikreto na kahit siya mismo ay walang alam pero may kinalaman sa iyong nakaraan? Anong gagawin mo kung ang dalawang ito ay may koneksyon? Anong pipiliin mo? Ang nakilala mo sa nakaraan? O ang nagpakilala bilang ibang tao sa kasalukuyan? Past? Or Present?
There was this guy I dated for a while but things didn't turn out well. I was so into him that one night I can't stop thinking about him, I've decided to send his MOM a message on facebook confessing how much I like her son. I wish it ended there but no. I had to make it so emotional, lengthy and detailed like the drama queen I am. Luckily, it went to message request so I'm hoping she hasn't really read it yet. Up until this day it makes me cringe whenever I think about it but hey, whenever it pops in my mind I make myself laugh too so thank you self for being unbelievably shameless and brave when it comes to love. I may age faster because I have made a lot of cringe-worthy moments that I constantly make faces out of embarrassment just reflecting on my antics but I know I've made more hilarious memories than what ifs and somehow that makes the disappointments feel more like assurances that I have gave it my all and I have lived as honest (maybe a little to honest) as I could. #ItsOnlyNatural #CanBnatural
I've been investing in arts, photography, and writing. I've also got back to reading the other day and I finished reading this amazing book entitled 300 Things I Hope by Iain S. Thomas. It is all about the things the author hopes his readers to do in all aspects of life. So, I decided to make a version of it with all of the things I'm hoping for.
I hope I get to see my friends be successful in life. I hope to make a big mural someday. I hope to be a well-known artist like the artists I look up to. I hope to marry the person I am in love with today. I hope to be a little kinder to myself. I hope to see happiness even in the smallest things. I hope to travel the world. I hope to be a good mother and a wife to my future family. I hope to have my artworks displayed in a gallery or an exhibit. I hope to learn more about creative writing. I hope I won't learn how to get tired and give up my passion. I hope I won't get too hard on myself whenever I don't get the results I've been wanting to see in my works. I hope to love myself more even on the days I hate it the most. I hope to lead and empower women; to be their voice and for them to believe in themselves that they can be the woman they look up to. And when I've reached my limit of these things, I hope I won't get tired of reminding myself that my emotions don't make me weak, hence, makes me stronger. These are some of the things I always hope for. What about you? What are you hoping for?
I started fixing myself this quarantine. I mean, I started trying makeup products. As a teen, I'm on my phone almost every hour of the day, scroll on my social media accounts, especially Instagram, and also Pinterest where you get to see nice and pleasing photography by bunch of amazing and beautiful people from different parts of the world. So I started taking my own as well. I did not know that taking your own photo and try to get an Instagramable one is sooooooooo hard, it's exhausting. I do not have alot of space in my room, and I would definitely not do it outside our house because of Corona Virus, and I don't want to be seen by our neighbors HAHA so I have no choice but to make tiis inside my room.
Out of atleast 25 shots, only 2 are a nice picture. While I'm all sweaty and tired, I am proud of what I could do beyond my comfort zone. And this definitely built my self confidence, (and I secret love the compliments I received from both people I know and don't know) It's not my first time visiting in here, Candy! But I'm new to writing my thoughts and experiences, so bare with me HAHA.
Until next time!