Candy Feels

The Line We Must Not Cross, a Letter to All the Fangirls

We are here to support and not dictate their lives. As they shouldn't be dictating ours. We shouldn't be acting like we own them. Or that...they own us.

According to Gray, Sandvoss, and Harrington (2007), most people are fans of something. If not, they are bound to know someone who is. 

Everyone, in one way or another, has experienced being fascinated over something. No matter how big or small they are, and no matter how relevant or not they seem to be for other people. So, how about you? Do you think your fascination with your favorite celebrities (or books, bands, movies, etc.) is irrelevant? Some people would say yes but you really don't have to agree with them. You're you. You experience things they way you do. Your interpretations of these experiences are different from theirs. So own it if you have to.

Being a fangirl is truly a great experience. You will learn a lot from the subject of your fascination. Other than that, you feel things too. You laugh, cry, and smile with them. Sometimes you even feel the way your favorites do. More often than not, you think of them. Wherever you are and whatever you are doing. As cheesy as it sounds, they're almost always inside your head. And it's okay.

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We, fangirls, grow with our favorites. We get better as they get better. We stand and we fall and stand tall again. With them. Over the years (or months), our 'love' for them became so strong that we became so attached to them as if they were our boy/girlfriends. But they also get attached to us. It's us and them and them and us. A perfect combination. Even better than true love.

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However, some of us actually forget that there's a very thin line that separates us from our favorites. It's so thin that it might break anytime. One wrong move, it'll be the end of everything. Remember, too much of anything isn't good. We get to love them, yes, but being a fan is all we can do. One must remember that we are 'fans'. Nothing more, nothing less. We are here to support and not dictate their lives. As they shouldn't be dictating ours. We shouldn't be acting like we own them. Or that...they own us. They own themselves as we own ourselves. Never forget that.

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Be a fan but know where you stand. Cheer as loud as you want, cry as hard as you want, laugh as much as you want, and smile as much as you can. That's the fangirl life. It's how we live.

And if people are judging you, just let them. Remember: they're not you. They don't experience things the way you do. There are certain things in life that no one else can fully understand the way you do.

If being a fan of someone (or something) makes you happy, do it. But if it's toxic for you, take time to reflect. What's making it difficult? Is it consuming you? The fangirl life is never easy. You will witness lots of hate, not just for your favorites but also for you. But you have to live with it because contrary to popular belief, the fangirl life didn't choose you. You did it yourself. And more than anything else, even if you've lost hours of sleep because of your favorites, or that you only ate siomai for dinner so you can buy their albums (or concert tickets!), or you've crammed to finish your school work, it's okay. It's okay because it's worth it. Your favorites may not know you, but deep down in their hearts, they acknowledge you. It's also love, don't you think? It may not be the kind that lets you hold their hand or kiss them but fan love is still something special. But, again, remember the line you shouldn't cross. That line you must not cross will either break you or your favorites or both. And you don't want that. And they don't want that, too.

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So good luck with your fangirl endeavor. Enjoy as much as you can. After all, we only live ones to see the light. The light we call our idols.

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Serene Fae 2 days ago

"The paradoxical idea of attaining a happier life and how to withstand these beliefs."

The Revolting Truth About Happiness by Theserenefae

If people ask you about your vision of a happier life we automatically envision ourselves having more money, true love, a better job, Instagram-worthy vacations, etc. But let me break this to you this, According to Dr. Laurie Santos, Professor of Psychology at Yale University and the voice behind The Happiness Lab podcast, "Most of the goals we think would make us happy do not really make us happy." And why is that? Simple, being happy is all in our minds. The human mind ploys us with these lenses on how we envision ourselves and our lives to be happy. The perception of "having" or "gaining" is the exact opposite of what will truly make our lives better. So how can we really be "happy"?

• Seek happiness inside you. This is a quintessential reason for our vision of happiness: misconceptions about having a lot of money would make me happy; owning this and that would make me happy; entering a relationship would make me happy. This is not the case, if you want to be truly happy with your relationship, you have to be already happy on your own. If you want satisfaction from others, you have to be satisfied with yourself. And so on.

• Fill that hole righteously We all have that tiny hole inside our hearts, tampering it with temporary band-aids. Fill this hole with purpose. Have you ever heard about The Three "M's"— Master, Mission, and Mate? Define who will be your Master, is it God? If that's so, your Mission could be following his words and will. Mate would be the last for they will be the best companion to fulfill your mission. Now hear me out, it is important to do this accordingly. We often times jumble it or invert it which can lead to failures.

• Give gifts to others. The wonderful grace in giving. There’s nothing like the rush of pure joy when you get a chance to give. However, this may not be something that we're used to. But apparently, openhandedness is our soul's true shape. As Eugene Peterson put it, "Giving is what we do best. It is the air into which we were born." This doesn't necessarily mean we have to give away our stuff but we can also present love, kindness, gratefulness, etc. in our own simplest ways to anyone such as giving time, encouragement, helping hand, or even forgiveness. Try giving and you'll receive inconceivable gifts in return.

• Savor moments. Savoring deeply intensifies our positive emotions while doing something that we love the most by simply stepping outside of the experience to review and appreciate the moment. You can practice this by having a delicious meal, reading a good book, or any activity that you enjoy and love. It can also be enhanced by sharing these experiences with others, appreciating such amazing moments, or staying present the entire time.

• Choose to Love Deeper Today's society relentlessly pressures all of us to have this "perfect" lifestyle such as pursuing careers that drain you, finding value through virtual world and purchases, letting achievements become your whole identity, and yet after all that you still feel empty and failure inside. Consumption is just skin deep—a shallow perception of happiness. Deep life brings the best out of us and others. It is about nourishing what you already have, focusing on the relationships than material wealth, becoming vulnerable at times, and being self-aware.

• Understand that Sufferings and Pain are part of Human Being. Always remember that loneliness and sufferings are inevitable. That is completely how life goes. You may be happy for a moment or a month but sooner or later great tribulation will start to kick in. Combat despair with graciousness. Count all the blessings that you have (and will have in near future, claim it!) by writing it down on a piece of paper or typing on your phone. Viola! an instant boost for happiness. We all know the fact that this superficial happiness won't work, but why do I keep on wanting? I already have all this wisdom about how to be happy for ages, but why can't I apply it to my own life?

First, you have to understand that simply knowing doesn't change your behavior. Care to realize that all the tips that I have mentioned are all verbs? Because at the end of the day, it is all about how you choose to be happy and initiate actions towards success. Know, reflect, visualize, believe, and do something about it. All of these are Actions! This is the secret of all the happiest and most influential people in the world—actions. Furthermore, do know that some of these tips do not work instantly most of the time. It requires a lot of time, motivation, consistency, and effort. I do know it's easier said than done. Take each of them slowly, one step at a time.

If it wasn’t for pain, I wouldn’t be alive. It may sound contradictory, but it’s true. Pain reminds me that I can feel, along with other emotions. Pain reminds me that I can heal, just like how I did in the past. Pain reminds me that I am strong and I can do better. It reminds me that life can be bitter, and it is up to us to make it a little sweeter (or saltier, depending on what the person wants).

With this epiphany, I take pain in a positive light. It’s normal that it can break me and make me want to stay in bed all day, but having someone or something remind me that there is hope is enough. It’s normal that I cry my heart out, but it’s important to remember that there’s a calm after the storm. If it wasn’t for pain, I wouldn’t be who I am now. It has shaped me and how I look at things. It has changed the way I approach circumstances that can challenge me and my beliefs.

Pain, back then, made me cower in the dark. Pain used to be my biggest fear, and I used to do my best to avoid pain. However, I realized that avoiding pain is like avoiding life. Because of how I wanted to protect myself, I closed myself off to people and opportunities. I used to tell myself that “this will end badly”, or “this is going to hurt in the end”. I always focused on how much pain I might endure in the end that I forgot to enjoy the process.

It’s inevitable, you see? Endings, most of the time, may hurt. It’s natural for us to grow attached to someone or something, and their disappearance might bring us a lot of pain. However, one should always remember that the pain is a reminder of how close you became, how many memories you had. If it wasn’t for pain, life would be pointless. If it wasn’t for pain, we would be nothing.

margaux marie 2 days ago
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