Candy Feels

If You Want to Keep Me, You Need to Love My Anxiety

I'm taking this chance to say sorry for all the things I did when I'm anxious. I just want you to bear this in mind: if you want to keep me, you need to love every bit of me including my anxiety.
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Me and my anxiety, we're inseparable. It makes me do things I wouldn't do under normal conditions. The thing is, my anxiety is so clingy it keeps squeezing itself into my daily routine. What was once an unusual feeling now became the norm. I become so used to it, I'm afraid it's already part of who I am.

So I'm taking this chance to say sorry for all the things I did when I'm anxious. I just want you to bear this in mind: If you want to keep me, you need to love every bit of me including my anxiety.  

I'm sorry I flooded your phone with messages when you forgot to text me last night. I was worried. The last time it happened, your phone got snatched from you. Can you blame me? I stayed up all night waiting for you. I wanted to hear from you, to know that you're safe and sound. I'm sorry I worry too much. I guess that's just the way I am.

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Please bear with me if I say I love you too often. I know I can be annoying at times, but let me tell you this: the reason why my love for you is so big is because I know the world may end any moment and if I were to die, I would find comfort in knowing that the last words I uttered were "I love you." I'm sorry I'm too sentimental. Perhaps I was born that way.

Forgive me for being such a pessimist. I always expect the worst. Disappointments trigger my depression and expecting the worst case scenarios prepares me for what's ahead.

I'm sorry for always imagining that we won't end up together. That's my worst nightmare, do you know that? There are days when I talk about our future without the other and I only ask that you bear with me whenever this happens. If we're breaking up soon, at least I'm ready. I'm sorry for making you listen to my negative thoughts, but I just can't help it. My mind simply won't cooperate.

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Trust me: you may not see it yet, but I'm trying to fight it. I only ask that you don't mistake my anxiety for being crazy, needy, or clingy—I am far from those things. If you just learn to love me for who I am, you’ll see that I am more than just an anxious girlfriend. I am more than my anxiety. 

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