Candy Feels

High School Is Over and I Still Can't Move On

But then...college.
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Life is like your favorite series. You never know what's next. You never know whether you'll remain the star you have been for years or be the shooting star the galaxy cast away from fame. Unfortunately, the next chapter of my life is fortuitously the latter. All the way to top down to the bottom, hence the very low self-esteem. I cannot blame myself for feeling all dejected. I was once a prom queen; I was once the popular kid; I almost got into honor students in high school; I was active in every organization I've been part of; I've got tons of friends who accepted the flaws and the goodness in me. I was so passionate about everything and I was so in love with the life I have been living.

But then college. The crestfallen, melancholic, and the unfortunate welcoming of college. Had I known earlier the pros and cons of college, I would have made sure each day of high school life was a memory worth keeping. But oh well, regret. The remorse is always in the end, but it won't change anything that happened. From the polychromatic, kaleidoscopic, wonderful, and unicorn-like life turned monochromatic, colorless life. I might be exaggerating but this is how I would depict all the feelings I have. Having left with no choice, I allowed myself to open doors, bearing in mind that this is a different experience. It might even be a much more exciting one. Who knows, right? But as I allowed myself to open doors, fewer opportunities would come. Exerting effort, exhausting everything would still not be enough in the end. And those who gave nothing at all were being rewarded. As much as I wanted to make friends, they'd just be seasonal—flavor of the month or week or worse they'd only stay for a day. But life goes on. This temporary pain would soon subside the moment I learn to go along the river of my life. Maybe acceptance is what I needed. I was so afraid to let go of my past that I took granted my present life and concluded a sad future which is yet to be discovered. Fear shuts me down instead of waking me up.

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Currently, I'm a 3rd year college this academic year. The last two years of my college life taught me everything I needed to know. Study hard, make friends, be the best version of yourself—and if these things still fail in the end, you are paid by experience. The most important lesson that can never be substituted for anything else. So in the next event of your life, you know what to do. I don't regret having to experience various events in my life. Life with a little hurricane is a life more meaningful. You remain firm when the world throws rocks on you. To color your life is a choice. And the choice is always yours. As of now, I'm slowly coloring my life again. I've gained some few constant friends, I've got experiences which I know I can treasure for a lifetime and lastly, I was learning to enjoy every moment with the people that can change with how I see and experience college. But if tomorrow or later, my world will turn again, so be it. I am now ready. After all, this is my favorite series; this is my life.

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