I know it is not right to blame a person for the misfortunes and issues that I am experiencing now because everything that I am now is the result of the decisions I made in the past. But you gave me the reason to hate relationships and to fear intimate interactions.
We met at the time of my life when I was so vulnerable and naïve. I was at that point when I was ready to move to more serious relationships rather than sticking to virtual relationships. You were a nice guy. Or so I thought. You're cute, and many girls like you because you are a very charming guy. I liked you and I thought you might be my first serious boyfriend. But I know you too little that I decided to date you.
Our common friend warned me that you were bad for me. He told me all the stories about your hookups. He told me that while you had a long distance girlfriend, you also flirted with another girl from the dance club. You, apparently, had a habit of dating girls simultaneously. I also heard that you had a two-year girlfriend when you started dating me. What broke my heart? When I learned about the reason why you dated me; you learned that I was innocent about all your hookups.
I believed everything you said, including that lie that you loved me. Someone gave me the number of your girlfriend and I confirmed that you are indeed in a relationship with a girl who hoped that you changed your womanizing attitude. I broke up with you. I talked to your girlfriend and told her about all the things I heard. I do not know if she really broke up with you, but I'd be more than happy if she did.
That was a long time ago, but I'm still scared to this day. Whenever I meet a guy who is interested in me, I question his intentions. I became very careful that it came to a point where I built walls around me and I'd drift away whenever we got too close. I learned not to be too attached with a man because I think we'll just break up and I'd have to move on eventually.
I doubt people, I doubt their intentions. I fear intimate relationships because I am afraid that if I say no, they will just look for someone who can them what I refuse or can't. I fear relationships because I fear infidelity. I fear relationships because I do not want to be one of the girls who guys play with.
I do not have any bad blood for you now. It's been years after all. I want to thank you for coming into my life. Thank you for being a bad boy when we met, because I know now when to trust and what to do when I meet someone like you.