From Our Readers: Why Ignoring Your Feelings Is the Most Difficult Thing to Do
I don't even know why I am doing this. Why I am writing something about you? I keep telling myself that you are just a close friend of mine. I never expected the friendship we have. I always feel happy whenever we talk even if we're talking nonsense. I'm able to forget all my problems for a while whenever I'm with you.
At first, I was so sure about my feelings for you. I knew it was just a love for a friend. I appreciate you. I want to thank you because you are the one who keeps our friendship healthy. I thought after months of being classmates you'd start being snob, but I was wrong. You are reached out for me and started a conversation. You are so consistent in doing that. But I think at the same time, I also want to say sorry for this foolish feeling I feel right now.
I don't really know what I'm feeling. I'm starting to be selfish. I'm sorry because I just wished for the end of your relationship with your girlfriend. I don't know why I thought about that. Maybe because you'll start to see me if you broke up with her, but I know it's wrong. Can't it be me? Can't it be us?
I keep on asking even if I already knew the answers. It hurts to know the answers, but it also hurts more to make yourself believe there's a chance when you knew there's none. It hurts because I knew from the start that you only see me as your close friend. I don't know what happened. I don't know when it all started. I just know I will be that friend that will be always there for you, a friend that is willing to listen to your rants. Someone who will accept you despite you being short-tempered, who will wait for you to see me.
I'll wait until I get tired of waiting. I'll wait without anyone knowing. That's why I never told anyone that my feelings for you have changed. That's why I also didn't want to admit it to my own self because when I do, I'll start making weird actions and I'm scared that you'll notice. I will probably feel uncomfortable with you. I know myself better than anyone else. It already happened to me years ago. I lost a friend because I was so careless of my actions; he figured out that I like him and soon started ignoring me. I swore I won't let that happen again.
I don't want to lose a friend just because of my feelings. I treasure the friendship that we have right now. It's better to be friend with you than be nothing at all. That's why for now, my feeling will remain a secret. I won't let anyone know this. It's a secret that should be kept until my feelings are gone. I know it takes time, but I hope it will not be too long because I don't know until when I can hide this. If you feel you don't want to be my friend anymore, don't worry because I'll be happy if you're the first one to make your way out of my life. It will help me. It will be painful but it will be a big help.
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Nineteen is a rather unremarkable age as it is not as celebrated as the age before it nor is it considered as much of a turning point as the age after it. However, this is the time when you find yourself smack in the middle of enjoying your teens and worrying about becoming an adult.
More often than not, you'll start to wonder whether you made the most out of your teenage years or whether you're ready to take on the responsibilities of being an adult. This constant dilemma will leave you anxious and confused. But, don't beat yourself up because this is the beauty of being 19.
You are no longer the foolish teenager who thought he/she was the center of the universe because now, you are old enough to start thinking like a grown up who understands that you are but a tiny speck in the whole solar system. It doesn't mean that you are insignificant but rather, that you are part of a colossal existence. This realization will enable you to make the right choice. And as you navigate the remaining days of your teens, don't forget to look back on the lessons you've picked up through the years and look forward to what lies ahead of you in the future.
BUWAN (Reverse Poetry)
Isinulat ni: Zamira Ariola
Ang liwanag noon
Nagsilbing gabay ngayon
Ang nagpapanatiling buhay
Sa pusong pagod
Sa pusong wala ng laman
Sa pusong wala nang nararandaman
Ikaw ang nagdala
Bakit nga ba?
Ikaw ang minahal
Ikaw ang ginawang mundo
Para magkasilbi ang buhay ko?
Bakit ikaw ang nagdala ng liwanag?
Ikaw ba ang buwan?
[Basahing muli paitaas]
"The paradoxical idea of attaining a happier life and how to withstand these beliefs."
The Revolting Truth About Happiness by Theserenefae
If people ask you about your vision of a happier life we automatically envision ourselves having more money, true love, a better job, Instagram-worthy vacations, etc. But let me break this to you this, According to Dr. Laurie Santos, Professor of Psychology at Yale University and the voice behind The Happiness Lab podcast, "Most of the goals we think would make us happy do not really make us happy." And why is that? Simple, being happy is all in our minds. The human mind ploys us with these lenses on how we envision ourselves and our lives to be happy. The perception of "having" or "gaining" is the exact opposite of what will truly make our lives better. So how can we really be "happy"?
• Seek happiness inside you. This is a quintessential reason for our vision of happiness: misconceptions about having a lot of money would make me happy; owning this and that would make me happy; entering a relationship would make me happy. This is not the case, if you want to be truly happy with your relationship, you have to be already happy on your own. If you want satisfaction from others, you have to be satisfied with yourself. And so on.
• Fill that hole righteously We all have that tiny hole inside our hearts, tampering it with temporary band-aids. Fill this hole with purpose. Have you ever heard about The Three "M's"— Master, Mission, and Mate? Define who will be your Master, is it God? If that's so, your Mission could be following his words and will. Mate would be the last for they will be the best companion to fulfill your mission. Now hear me out, it is important to do this accordingly. We often times jumble it or invert it which can lead to failures.
• Give gifts to others. The wonderful grace in giving. There’s nothing like the rush of pure joy when you get a chance to give. However, this may not be something that we're used to. But apparently, openhandedness is our soul's true shape. As Eugene Peterson put it, "Giving is what we do best. It is the air into which we were born." This doesn't necessarily mean we have to give away our stuff but we can also present love, kindness, gratefulness, etc. in our own simplest ways to anyone such as giving time, encouragement, helping hand, or even forgiveness. Try giving and you'll receive inconceivable gifts in return.
• Savor moments. Savoring deeply intensifies our positive emotions while doing something that we love the most by simply stepping outside of the experience to review and appreciate the moment. You can practice this by having a delicious meal, reading a good book, or any activity that you enjoy and love. It can also be enhanced by sharing these experiences with others, appreciating such amazing moments, or staying present the entire time.
• Choose to Love Deeper Today's society relentlessly pressures all of us to have this "perfect" lifestyle such as pursuing careers that drain you, finding value through virtual world and purchases, letting achievements become your whole identity, and yet after all that you still feel empty and failure inside. Consumption is just skin deep—a shallow perception of happiness. Deep life brings the best out of us and others. It is about nourishing what you already have, focusing on the relationships than material wealth, becoming vulnerable at times, and being self-aware.
• Understand that Sufferings and Pain are part of Human Being. Always remember that loneliness and sufferings are inevitable. That is completely how life goes. You may be happy for a moment or a month but sooner or later great tribulation will start to kick in. Combat despair with graciousness. Count all the blessings that you have (and will have in near future, claim it!) by writing it down on a piece of paper or typing on your phone. Viola! an instant boost for happiness. We all know the fact that this superficial happiness won't work, but why do I keep on wanting? I already have all this wisdom about how to be happy for ages, but why can't I apply it to my own life?
First, you have to understand that simply knowing doesn't change your behavior. Care to realize that all the tips that I have mentioned are all verbs? Because at the end of the day, it is all about how you choose to be happy and initiate actions towards success. Know, reflect, visualize, believe, and do something about it. All of these are Actions! This is the secret of all the happiest and most influential people in the world—actions. Furthermore, do know that some of these tips do not work instantly most of the time. It requires a lot of time, motivation, consistency, and effort. I do know it's easier said than done. Take each of them slowly, one step at a time.
If it wasn’t for pain, I wouldn’t be alive. It may sound contradictory, but it’s true. Pain reminds me that I can feel, along with other emotions. Pain reminds me that I can heal, just like how I did in the past. Pain reminds me that I am strong and I can do better. It reminds me that life can be bitter, and it is up to us to make it a little sweeter (or saltier, depending on what the person wants).
With this epiphany, I take pain in a positive light. It’s normal that it can break me and make me want to stay in bed all day, but having someone or something remind me that there is hope is enough. It’s normal that I cry my heart out, but it’s important to remember that there’s a calm after the storm. If it wasn’t for pain, I wouldn’t be who I am now. It has shaped me and how I look at things. It has changed the way I approach circumstances that can challenge me and my beliefs.
Pain, back then, made me cower in the dark. Pain used to be my biggest fear, and I used to do my best to avoid pain. However, I realized that avoiding pain is like avoiding life. Because of how I wanted to protect myself, I closed myself off to people and opportunities. I used to tell myself that “this will end badly”, or “this is going to hurt in the end”. I always focused on how much pain I might endure in the end that I forgot to enjoy the process.
It’s inevitable, you see? Endings, most of the time, may hurt. It’s natural for us to grow attached to someone or something, and their disappearance might bring us a lot of pain. However, one should always remember that the pain is a reminder of how close you became, how many memories you had. If it wasn’t for pain, life would be pointless. If it wasn’t for pain, we would be nothing.
Cancelled vacations, parties, events, meetings and appointments might be the ingredients of someone’s anxiousness. I just recently published a blog titled ‘Ways to Lessen Anxiety During Quarantine’ I hope it could everyone to lessen their worries in these trying times. Here is the link: https://photographsbycess.wordpress.com/2020/07/05/ways-to-lessen-anxiety-during-quarantine/