Loving someone is the best thing you could ever do in your life. As the old saying by Alfred, Lord Tennyson goes, "It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all."
You have always been a part of me. You have been my source of happiness and motivation. And yes, I have loved you. But I guess, it is better this way: "I have loved you" and that's it.
I know this is a bit confusing, but hear me out. I have been wanting to have you for a long time. The only missing piece in our puzzle is for us to be together as lovers, and not just as friends. But life has limits and I just realized that there is something different: I do not want you to love me back.
You do not deserve me.
You are too good for me. I guess you do not deserve someone who cannot give back the love you deserve. You do not deserve someone who cries when you are away. You do not deserve someone who does not care about anything except for herself. You deserve someone better. You deserve someone else. And that is why I do not want you to love me back.
I am not quite sure of my feelings.
I am not sure of many things, just like my feelings for you. Sometimes I want to be with you. Sometimes I do not. I think this is what happens when life is never in your favor—when it does not give the things you need and the things you want. It makes you feel numb, cold, and heartless.
You do not want to be with someone who is not sure of what she feels for you. You do not want to be with someone who will make you feel like you are the only one who's trying to make things work out. That will surely hurt you, and I do not want that to happen. That is why I do not want you to love me back.
I have been independent for too long already.
Yes, you have always been there for me. But I have been handling my problems on my own for a long time already. It is so hard for me to let go of that. I feel weak knowing that someone has to carry my own problems for me even though I think I'm fine on my own. You have your own problems and I don't want to add to that. And that is why I do not want you to love me back.
It is hard for me to trust people.
I have trust issue. I know you'll always be there because we've been friends, through ups and downs. But this time, it would be different. This would be another phase in our lives, and I think I will just mess things up because being in a relationship needs me to trust you. I don't trust people fully and easily. With that, I am afraid that I cannot handle commitments. Tell me I am being selfish, but I think I really am. And that is why I do not want you to love me back.
I am afraid to lose you.
I have always hated the act of leaving. Let's face it, nothing is permanent in this world. Everything we have will be gone sooner or later. I do not want that to happen to you, to us. I do not want to wake up one day with you gone. I do not want that to happen to you, too. If you love me back, I know one day I will lose you and you could lose me too. I do not want to lose someone I know I cannot live without. That is why I do not want you to love me back.
It is very hard for me to move on.
Most people would say that if you truly love someone, you must learn to let them go, to set them free. But you mean the world to me. Someone like you would be so hard to find. If ever we end up together then we realize that we are not for each other, life would be difficult for me. If I lose you, half of me will be left behind and will never be able to move on. I do not want to let bitterness eat me up. You matter to me. You really do. And that is why I do not want you to love me back.
You do not want to be with someone who chooses her own insecurities and pride over you. You do not want to be with someone who's not capable of loving you, not even herself. You do not want to be with someone who thinks of all these little things.
You need to be with someone who's not pessimistic about life, someone who has a positive outlook about her future with you. I am not that one. And I do not think that I will ever be that one. That is why I do not want you to love me back.