It has been a long time. It has been two years since we ended up whatever relationship we had. It has been two years and to this day, I'm still suffering in this pain alone. Seeing you now, your smile doesn't even heal all the traces of sadness or regret.
I realized that time doesn't heal anything. If it does, why is the pain is still here?
In those years without you, I was contented looking the pictures we took, re-reading our old messages, and sometimes, overthinking that maybe someday we will find our way back in each other's arms. I kept myself busy at school so I can stop myself from looking back and bringing back what was lost.
I thought I have moved on. But when a memory flashes in my mind in a random time, things get a little complicated. Deep inside, a tiny feeling of sadness still manages to fill me up. I find myself always looking for your embrace.
I did my best to hide the feelings I have left by pretending that I am not into you anymore. Even my friends do not know all these feelings I'm keeping. It is so foolish of me to keep all the happy feelings and memories we once had.
In a room full of people, you are always the first one I'm looking for. But if we ever meet each other's gaze, you are the first one to look away. If there's a chance we get in the same space, you barely talk to me or when you do, you try hard not to say my name.
I know it's crazy but maybe the awkwardness you feel means there's still something left for me in there, right? So let me ask a favor, even for the last time. Let me see you even from afar. Let me stare at your eyes longer when our eyes meet. Let me hear the way you say my name. Just allow me to love you, to care for you. That's everything I ask from you.
I hope that someday, my shattered pieces will go back to the way they used to be. I hope that the feeling I am hiding will no longer exist. I am just not ready to let go, just not now.