From Our Readers: Why Can't I Stop Being Your Meantime Girl?
You call me when she's not there. You cry to me when no one's there to listen. You ask for my help when no one can give you a hand. You rant to me when nobody could tolerate you. You look for me when she's not available. And me? I am always there. Never did I say no to you because I can't bear thinking of you being lonely and hurt with no one to confide in.
It made me feel important to you. At first, I thought I am the only girl you treat like that. Funny, how I reacted when I came to know that someone does the same things for you already. I thought I am the only one you tell your feelings to, just like what you said to me weeks ago. What am I? If there's already somebody who is there for you, will you still look for me? I guess not anymore.
If there's already somebody who is there for you, will you still look for me?
You told me you trust me big time. Never did I say that I do trust you as well but have you ever realized I tell you things that I couldn't tell others but still I tell you? It's because I trust you so much. And it hurts me now that I have given you the same amount of trust you have given me—or maybe even more—when after all this time I'm still not the one you first look for. I thought you could be the best friend-slash-boyfriend that I could have. But who am I kidding?
It hurts me now that I have given you the same amount of trust you have given me—or maybe even more—when after all this time I'm still not the one you first look for.
We are friends. You told me that clearly. I understood but I still fell in love with you. How could I not? We're just like one of those couples. You call me "baby" and sometimes "mine". You tell me you'll have practice even when I'm not asking. You always check on me if I have already eaten or if I already took my meds. You always send me a goodnight kiss. Well, at least virtually. What else are we not doing? There's one I know. We never said that we love each other. Not even once even just for a joke.
What was I thinking? I still hope that there could be something special between us but the evidences are all laid out neatly in front of me. Everything is clear. It's just me that couldn't keep her feelings to herself. Am I being selfish? Probably. I admit that. Why do I do this? You made me. You continue giving me mixed signals and my foolish heart falls for those.
Things aren't as good between us as your relationship with the girl you're officially with. I am always kept in the shadows. You never talked to me in person. Why? What are you afraid of? I thought we are just friends? So what's holding you back? I can't decipher anything.
What are we? Oh, I'm sorry I always tend to forget over and over again that we’re just friends.
I even get a headache reading this. No, everything's not clear. We act as if we're lovers but we say we're not more than just friends. Why can't we just be together? Are you ashamed to be seen with me? Am I not enough? Am I not worthy of you? I sound so desperate right now, don't I? The thing is I could swallow my whole pride just for you but you wouldn't even take a sip of yours just to be with me.
The greatest question of all is: why am I letting myself be your meantime girl? And the answer to that is: I don't know. It is stupid to say this but I will still tell you my insanity: I love you and no matter how much it hurts, I am here. I will always be here. For you. I know, I'm stupid. I love you.