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From Our Readers: When Your Father Leaves You for Good

I will still treasure you for the rest of my life.
PHOTO The CW ART Clare Magno

I know it's too late to be writing this letter, and I also know that you will never have the chance to read this. For starters, I know I have been rude and mean to you for almost my whole life. You can't blame me for acting that way, though, because growing up without parents was never an easy job­­—I have to live with other people, meet their expectations, and accept all the insults they throw at me. I have lived in pain and eventually accepted that as part of my life.

But that's not the main reason why I wrote this letter. I stumbled upon the dresses you gave me before. I touched and smelled the fabric like a kid who'd smell her new clothes, freshly-bought from a high-end clothing boutique. I tried to imagine the look on your face when you first saw these dresses; you knew they would fit me well, don't you? At that moment, I realized how much pain I still keep inside.

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It must have been easy for you to leave everything—including us—behind and try to start a new life where you no longer have responsibilities to worry about.

If you're going to ask me, I must say that I am having a hard time right now. You see, for two years, you have immediately found your place in my heart. I waited for you to recognize me as your daughter for 17 years and I'm so glad that you did. That's one of the greatest things that happened to me. It's just  amazing to have someone who's ready to support you and love you no matter what happens.

But again, you left. And I don't know how to be fine again. I still can't believe how quick you were taken away from me. Until now, I still imagine you sending me good morning and good evening text messages every day. I still hope that you'll watch me on the day of my graduation. I still wish that everything that happened was just a part of a nightmare I can't escape from.

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I miss you, papa. And every day, I regret that I didn't tell you enough how much I love you. You left for good so soon that I didn't get the chance to show how much I value you. I love you. I know that those three words are exactly what you want to hear from me right now.

Now, I know everything seems to be sad and depressing for me, but you don't have to worry about me anymore. I will graduate on time and wear that sablay that we both have been waiting for. I will work hard to achieve the life you've always wanted for me. I will continue to fight for what I believe in. I will be great, papa. I will be okay eventually and you will be, too. But you need to go, you need to let go of what makes you stay here longer, and I think I am one of them.

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So I wrote this letter to let you know that I am ready to let you go. It will be best for you to take a rest now because you deserve it. I will never forget you. You can go now, pa.

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