I never truly understood the reason why people held hands so frequently. When I look at them, they seemed so at ease, it's as if their hands were already carved to fit the other person's own hand.
When someone tries to hold my hand, I flinch. Like there's a burning sensation that sends me pulling away and giving them that awkward smile instead. Then there's this guy; he is sweet, fun, charming, and even a little weird. We started off as friends and I guess you could lay down the pieces and know what happened next.
The thing is, I'm not a fan of relationships. I am really not sure why. Maybe I'm just scared because I know that one slip up can lead to not only losing your significant other but also losing your best friend.
But this guy, he held my hand for the very first time and it didn't cause me to pull away.
It made my hand feel numb, like it suddenly disconnected from my body and has fallen to his hands. He looked at me, and I looked at him. He had many emotions flashing for a mere second. In his eyes were happiness, fear, rejection, adoration, anxiety. There was one emotion that I was looking for that never appeared. His eyes never showed regret. So I gave him a smile and squeezed his hand back.
Since then, he would always get the chance to hold my hand, whether it was to stop me from being the clumsy person that I am or when there was a sweet song playing and he thought the moment was perfect.
I realized that holding hands wasn't about showing others what you are but it's about making that person feel comforted and secured as long as they're under your protection.
As he held my hand, I felt warm from feeling his presence, like some kind of comfort and overwhleming securty, whenever he's with me. The way my hand, which I always thought was gigantic, turned small and perfectly molded into his strong hands made me feel at home. It made me feel like he valued me, like he was holding the universe.