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From Our Readers: When You Lose Yourself in a Heartbreak

I can talk about us in the past tense now.
PHOTO Hannover House ART Clare Magno

There's no love in falling in love. It may seem weird and hard to understand but this is the truth most of us are missing out. We only realize what it truly means once we find ourselves empty inside, lost and broken.

Everything felt so real to me. I even remember how it all started. It was your birthday and a friend of yours asked me to greet you. It so happened that you had a crush on me, she said. I thought a simple message would make you happy, and so I did.

We started talking and got to know each other better. At first, I thought we're just friends until we stayed up all night and spent more time together. Somehow, I could picture us, going out to watch movies, eating together, and holding each other's hands. I wasn't surprised these would all happen. I already saw it coming.

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I conviced myself to put my hopes up, to start loving again after a long time of keeping my heart safe from any form of heartbreak. I was ready to sacrifice and face the pain again. I was beyond excited about you and I. I was glad I found both a friend and a lover in you. It was the first time I had the courage to speak naturally, laugh out loud, and sing a song to someone I like.

It was my prayer to be comfortable in a realtionship since the past didn't bring out the real me. I was too scared to show my flaws, stuck in the fear of being replaced knowing someone may always be prettier, taller, skinnier, smarter than me. You made me feel comfortable in my own skin. You treated me like I was the only star in your sky, a star that shines the brightest in the darkest nights. We have been through misunderstandings and petty fights. Until one day, we're done fighting for what could have been us.

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You made me feel comfortable in my own skin. You treated me like I was the only star in your sky, a star that shines the brightest in the darkest nights.

Was there really something we could call love? Everthing falls when we fall in love. The word fall itself says it all. I felt betrayed, used, and lost. The worst thing about falling is breaking down. You broke my trust, hope, and love. I know your past keeps on haunting you. I know because I let you live in it. You have tried to get rid of my doubts.

Was there really something we could call love? Everthing falls when we fall in love. The word fall itself says it all.

An ex is an ex, you said. We're just good friends now, you said. I won't love her again, you said. I believed every word. I guess we fell in love but didn't really grow in it. Next time, I won't let myself fall again. I will guard my heart and pray for a love that will help me grow with the right one. Thank you for leaving me hanging.

I realized that when you start begging for someone to love you, that's the moment you need to learn to love yourself.

Tonight, I'm the star you won't see shining anymore. I won't appear in your sky ever again. I will always pray for you, like I always do. I'll pray for your future even if I weren't part of it anymore. I loved you. I cared for you. I needed you.

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I can talk about us in the past tense now. I'm not over it yet, but I'm strong enough to accept what's really meant to happen.

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