Candy Feels

From Our Readers: What It's Like to Love a Pessimist

She can be hard to love but she's worth everything.
PHOTO A24 ART Clare Magno

She douses her thoughts with negativity, thinking of the world as a machine that upholds dreams, stitches up hope, but crushes it even before one can claim sabotage. She overthinks every situation she is in, thinking that everything that latches on her will be in jeopardy and will disappear eventually.

She writes until her fingers hurt and until her the pages run out; she writes down her worries and how she thinks of her life as an accidental gift, a tailspin of fate. 

She tends to remember the slightest misfortune, the tiniest error she has committed in the light of deeming that her life is a shaking picture of disaster and darkness.

She says sorry even if it's unneccessary and hugs you when she thinks she has gone overboard. She smiles through her tears for even when she views life as a merciless pit, she has this ounce of hope in her heart, that someday, somehow, there will be better things for her. She might not tell you often about her worries, but she has a myriad of them, haunting her soul even when she slept.

She smiles through her tears for even when she views life as a merciless pit, she has this ounce of hope in her heart, that someday, somehow, there will be better things for her.

When at times she's too much to handle, please don't yell at her. She did not choose to break her heart, no one will ever choose to. It's not her fault that she went through the worst and that overthinking is her coping mechanism. She did not enlist herself with pain and scars. Her life was hers but then, she wasn't in control. 

And now, as she cries in your arms and whispers to you that she's sorry for the nth time about the way she is, hold her close. She did choose to have a hard life, and she tried to be happy in the manifestation of you. For a while, everything simmers. Her thoughts of the dark are non-existent.

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In you, she has found her solace. Give her that. In the midst of everything that went wrong in her life, she took the fall and gambled on you.

Please do not give her enough reason to hate herself again. For a moment, dwell in her world and look past her pains. She is but a girl who dedicated her life to happiness, happiness she cannot even own but chose to give it to others, to you.

Wade through the darkness of her heart and set her ablaze again. For in the misery that she has been and the life that she has lived, having and loving you encompasses all the pains this world could give her.

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