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From Our Readers: What It's Like to Be the One That Got Away

Who hurts more: the one left behind or the one who left?
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We all know how sincere Quest's latest song "Walang Hanggan" is, and how many can definitely relate to it. But this poem is a response to it, and it's from the point of view of someone who left and decided to let go.

Hindi lang naman ikaw na iniwan, ikaw na naiwan ang nasasaktan
Dahil kahit gaano kahirap, gaano katagal, pilit kong isinalba
Ipinaglaban, inuna ka kaysa sa sariling nararamdaman
Pero hindi mo alam, hindi mo alam, puso ko'y gulung-gulo na 

Saan nga ba ito patungo? 

Hinaharap ang bawat araw na ikaw pa rin ang pinipiling hagkan
Pero hanggang kailan kakapit, iisiping mainit pa ang lahat
Nagnanais na makawala, gusto ko nang lumisan
Hindi mo alam, hindi mo alam, nakikiusap na, palayain mo na ang buhat kong mabigat 

Ilang taon ang pinagsamahan, kay daming unos na nalampasan
Mga gabing ikaw ang aking katabi hanggang sa mga mata'y mamulat
Ako ay mawawala na, may natitira pa bang paraan
Ang sabi mo'y ginawa mo ang lahat, ngunit ginagawa ko rin ang lahat


Hindi na yata kaya pang maibalik

Hanggang kailan titiisin ng paulit-ulit
Papaniwalain pa bang kaya pa kitang mahalin
Sa mga alaalang iyong ginuhit at mga segundong sa puso mo'y inukit,
Pasensya na, hindi ko nais ika'y paasahin

Kaya hanggat maaga pa, ihihinto na, hindi man maganda ang sasabihin ng iba
Tayo'y sumusulyap na sa dulo 

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Nasaktan ka, akala mo'y ikaw ang may kasalanan
Pero maniwala ka kapag sinabi kong wala
Baka tadhana nga'y nawawalan na ng gana, nagsasabing dapat nang bitawan

Walang rason sa panlalamig, walang nang-aakit,
Walang sagot sa mga bakit, kaya sana, ako'y iyong patawarin

Hindi magiging sapat sa lahat ng pagkakataon
Hindi lahat ng plano ay may kasiguraduhan
Hindi lahat ng bukas ay may tayong dalawa na naroon
Hindi lahat ng pangako ay kayang panindigan 

Ako'y mawawala na
Tadhana'y tuluyan na ngang nawalan ng gana 

Kaya kahit gaano kaganda ang naging simula
Sana nalaman mo noong una pa lang
Hindi magkakaroon ng simula
Na walang posibilidad ng katapusan 

Sana ay matanggap mo
Sa gitna ng sakit na gumuguhit, sa luhang pumupunit
Na hindi na ako lilingon, kahit ang anino
Huwag ka nang makiusap sa hangin, huwag nang manalangin sa langit


Ang buong akala ay walang hanggan
Pero nandito na tayo sa dulo, sa dulo
Ako'y tatalikod na, at dapat mo na akong kalimutan
Kailangan na kitang iwan, kahit hindi ito ang ating ginusto 


Think about it. What if the person you once loved really tried to fight for your relationship, but he is not happy anymore. Not because he found it in someone else, but simply because it is just not the same anymore. No reasons why. We all say how love should not be based merely on feelings, but it is a choice you make every day. However, you don't know how hard he tried to choose you, to pretend everything is okay.

Until when will you let him fool himself? What do you like more: believing that person stayed because he still sees a future with you or allowing him to let go of the relationship because he knows you don't deserve a half-hearted kind of love?


Sometimes, we need to credit the ones that got away because they chose to do the right thing.

Sometimes, we need to credit the ones that got away because they chose to do the right thing. Instead of cheating, of making the relationship worse, they chose to end it. Even if it means to be frowned upon by the world, to be cursed by the other party, they did the bravest decision they can ever do just to save the both of you and the genuine memories still left in your relationship.

Sometimes things will not work out the way you or others expected it to be, but you need to accept that. Because once you get past the sorrow and heartaches, you will discover love again; maybe love for yourself, love for something new, or love for someone else. You will then realize everything that happened led to the good of the both of you. Now, you will not experience how blessed you are in the arms of someone else or with your new found epiphanies in life, if not for the relationship that once ruined a part of you.


So have courage because every pain will be worth it.










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Cold Food

The most thrilling and delightful moment of any school day is opening up your baon during breaks. There is always so much excitement in unveiling your homemade meal and snacks housed inside matching heat-insulating containers. Because preparing packed meals is an age-old tradition of showing parental love, loved ones pour effort into curating a nutritious meal accompanied by a selection of side dishes, desserts, and beverages daily; it reminds us that we are being taken care of, even from far away.

Baon plays a significant role in a Filipino childhood. Almost every Filipino child comes to school with baon made especially for them by their parents or household helpers. Even Filipinos in the labor force continue to bring baon for varying reasons: to save money, recycle leftovers, cater to personal taste, or attend to special needs. Nonetheless, eating your baon is a heart-warming experience that allows Filipinos to bring a piece of home along with them wherever they go.


Even other cultures practice making packed lunch. In Japan, mothers create bento--Japanese meals in partitioned boxes. Because of the popularity of bento, trends have emerged, such as the Kyaraben, or character-themed bento. Naturally, Japanese parents and students began competing for who had the cutest and tastiest bento, and this is similar to what I have witnessed in my own childhood. I remember seeing my classmates sharing their snacks and lunches. They would compare and boast about their parents' or yayas’ cooking. In my case, I never had the chance to join in the competition or indulge in homemade cooking. Up until this day, I have never brought any baon to school.

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For a long time, I envied others. As trivial or petty as it may seem, not having baon became a problem for my grade school self. During that time, I had to sit in a separate cafeteria away from my friends because the kids who bought food were assigned to sit elsewhere. You could consider me spoiled, but I wanted to experience something most kids did. I had food at home, so what made it so hard to bring some with me to school?


Now that I am on my final year in high school I have come to realize the benefits of purchasing my own food. Since I spent on food everyday, I learned to budget my allowance at a young age. Over the years, I learned to practice self-control whenever I wanted to eat more greasy fries and drink sweetened beverages. I have tasted the strangest viands at the school cafeterias, and I have repeatedly satiated myself over my latest delicious discoveries. Despite the struggles, I am thankful that I have never had baon because of what I have learned. Not to mention, I never had to experience eating cold food.


Choosing between dreams and practicality is never easy. My CETs season just ended with the release of the UPCAT results. Anxious as I logged on the website, I started to think about what would happen if I didn't pass UP. Ever since I was six years old, I fixated on the idea that I will become an iska, serving the country and studying at my dream school, which is UP. I strived and studied hard for the UPCAT, sacrificing a lot of things like hang-outs and gala weekends for reviews.

Throughout my CETs journey, I started seeing myself studying only in UP, and while there were no results yet, my friends and I already started planning our lives around the fact that we're gonna study in UP. It was a big deal for me, my friends and my family that I get the chance to study in UP since it's so far from my hometown which is Benguet, and better yet, it's a very well known university.


January 2020 came and universities started releasing CETs results. I was expecting my DCAT and ACET results that month. I passed DCAT but brushed it off because even though I liked the school, I never really saw myself studying there. Same thoughts with Ateneo, since it never really crossed my mind that I might study in ADMU. In fact, Ateneo was never really a choice for me, I only took it just to have another choice in case I failed the UPCAT. I also applied for financial aid not because I was really planning on studying there, but more of "para lang sure na may college ako". I know it's a bad thing but they were just my back-up schools because my main goal was really UP.

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One Friday afternoon, ACET results came out. I passed, managed to get a scholarship, and in that moment, my plans just started to crumble.


Seeing that I got a 100% tuition and fees discount, free dorm fees, and an additional book allowance got me into considering studying to Ateneo. Suddenly, I got torn between UP, my dream school, and Ateneo, which offers so much more.

As the months passed, and after talking to my parents, my plans and decisions got more jumbled and messy. I still wanted to go to UP even if there were no results yet but Ateneo offering so much would mean a lesser burden to my parents in terms of finances.

Even though my parents told me that they'll support me no matter where I choose to go, the practicality that Ateneo offers in terms of finances was not an easy thing to waive. Sometimes I would laugh at the fact that I'd spend less on a private school than on a state university. Talking to my friends helped somehow, but they also have various opinions about the two universities. I managed to tell myself to hold off the problem until UPCAT results get released, and so I did.


UP released the UPCAT results and seeing that I passed made me scream and cry, literally. At that moment, all I was thinking was that I passed my dream school and I'm officially a QC college student.

My parents were so proud of me even though they got scared because I screamed, but ultimately, they were happy for me. The next day, I sat down, stared at my UPCAT and ACET results, and told myself that I needed to decide. This was the hardest part. I tried deciding using the pros and cons method but it didn't really work. Talking to my parents also didn't help because they'd support me either way, so their judgement was not a factor at all. I also had the same course in both schools so that wasn't a big help. I was 99% close to letting go of my dream university and decide to go to Ateneo.


I weighed options and Ateneo was the cheaper and more practical option. I also started to see myself studying as a blue eagle, roaming around the campus etc. And financially, I didn't need to worry much except for food. At that point, I started to really like the idea of going to Ateneo more than studying in UP. But then, as the weeks went by, the Ateneo Plan started to lose my interest.

I realized that studying in Ateneo would be a great opportunity, but not something that will really make me happy. The finances and all would be so much better but I wouldn't be happy and content, and I felt that Ateneo couldn't give me everything that I wanted and needed. Then a light bulb lit up.

As I was imagining myself at UP, I ultimately felt that happiness and content that I didn't feel with Ateneo. I realized that, if I didn't study in UP, I know later in my life, I would regret it. I would regret not choosing my dream university because I didn't choose what would make me happy.


In short, I chose my dream over practicality. I know that I would be successful in both tracks, but I simply chose my dream because it is where I'm happier and more content. Besides, we can make our dreams practical but not all the time can the practical choice equate to our dreams. So to those having a hard time choosing between dreams and practicality, weigh it out and always remember to put yourself and your happiness first. And of course, choose the choice that you know you'll not regret later on.

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