From Our Readers: What Being Left Out Feels Like
We became friends in high school, a part of life where everything feels fun and easy. We see each other every day and we can talk. We get to spend so much time together.
But then college came and everything changed beyond our control. We got into different programs, into different schools. We see each other on weekends and send each other messages on weekdays. Suddenly, it became so hard to see each other. It was inconvenient and difficult to fit in each other's schedules. Eventually, we both got tired to exert some effort. Or we just felt like leaving each other out.
Priorities changed and we didn't match theirs, they didn't match ours. We can't keep up with each other anymore. And yet, you can't complain because you know it's your fault and not theirs. You know you just can't demand for them to adjust to you, while you won't even adjust to them. Then things happened and you just got used to not feeling them around you at all.
It takes great effort to keep a friendship.
They say that friendship is easy when it's convenient for all of you; I agree now. When everything seems out of place and hard, the friendship you thought that is so strong will slowly drift away. Being left out really stings especially if they're the only ones you have. Being left out is not just about you not being able to go with them on the days you planned together. It is not just about them not being able to reply to your messages. It's not about not seeing your face on her Instagram Feed. Being left out is so much more than those things.
It is that empty feeling when you're with them. It is that feeling when you can't relate to their stories anymore, when everything just seems awkward. It is when you have to exert so much effort just to keep up. It is not their fault, but it is not yours, too. It's just that the circumstances are not favorable for all of you.
People come and go. So to you who felt like you're being left out, just relax. It's just a phase and you'll get through that. It is not easy, I know. Seeing them go is more painful than a breakup, but what can we do? They will leave if they really want to, but we have to accept that not all things stay as they are; change is necessary to make things better. Maybe we just all need to distance ourselves from one another to grow.
It may feel like everyone's turning their backs on you or that you're unwanted, not enough. You'll get through this. Things will work out fine and if it's meant to be, you'll be in each other's lives again. Just be happy seeing them walk another path because one day, you will be able to appreciate it and thank that moment. Someday, you will see each other and you're all ready to accept each other's differences.