I haven't heard from you in four months. I know that I shouldn't have anything else to say to you anymore. We already said our farewells on that heartbreaking Saturday I will never forget. But I hope you can give me a little time still, even if it's just 10 minutes.
When you broke up with me, my world fell apart. Even now, I still can't find the words to fully describe the pain I went through. You were my everything—my boyfriend, my best friend, my food and travel buddy, my confidante.
For almost four years, you were my rock. You became a part of my family and I was a part of yours.
So when you went away, my life felt like it was instantly divided into two parts: The one where we were together and the one without you. There were no warning signs. You just woke up one day and you realized you cannot do this anymore. I was left crushed. I was left questioning every fiber of my being. Where did I go wrong? Was it something I did or did not do? Was I not pretty enough? Was I too clingy or too annoying? But you assured me there was nothing wrong with me, and that everything was your fault. As time passed, I learned to stop blaming myself for what happened.
It was around November when I heard you were seeing someone. I started seeing someone else, too. For a time, I thought I was over what happened between u, but I wasn't. I kept comparing him to you. I was always disappointed when he didn't do the things you used to do for me. It was like trying to fit two puzzle pieces that came from different boxes. I did everything a "psycho ex-girlfriend" would do: I stalked your new girl's social media accounts, I bashed her in front of my friends, I looked back at our old photos, I scrolled through our old conversations. Then I broke down. Again. For the thousandth time after our breakup.
I found out you've been traveling with her the way I wanted us to. You've been in more places with her in a span of two months; we haven't even gone on a trip in the four years we've been together. I tortured myself with my own thoughts every night and when the morning comes, I'm in so much pain again. I learned to be strong slowly, every day. I find myself feeling okay. Until finally, without knowing it, I was okay.
I realized that your new realtionship was the push I needed.
You dating someone new officially closed the doors of our relationship. That little spark of hope that we can get through this was gone. I realized it did not matter whose fault it was. It did not matter if she was prettier or if I was the better girl. The fact is, you love this girl and she's lucky because I know how that feels, how it felt to be on the receiving end of your love. We are now part of each other's past lives. And though we did not have that happy ending we were hoping for, our four-year journey was all worth it. I've learned a lot and I was happy. I know we did everything we could to save us but God has a better plan. It was His plan that you meet and fall in love with her, and me? I am still waiting to see where my love story will go.
This means I'm officially letting you go, and that I'm wishing you and your new girlfriend the best. But most of all, this letter is for me—a reminder of what has been and that tomorrow is still a new day, even without you in my life.