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From Our Readers: To the Young Ones Who Feel So Lost

It's funny how I was so eager to graduate and now that I finally am, I don't know what to do next.
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"Do you know where you're going to? Do you like the things that life is showing you? Where are you going to, do you know? What are you hoping for, do you know?" —Diana Ross' "Do You Know Where You're Going To

As soon as I heard the first line of the song, I cried.

After those years of hard work, I finally get to wear that black toga. After those days when I barely slept and sacrificing my favorite TV series, I am now a graduate. But after all the graduation parties and get-togethers, there's a question that won't seem to go away: Now what? It's funny how I was so eager to graduate and now that I finally am, I don't know what to do next.

It's funny how I was so eager to graduate and now that I finally am, I don't know what to do next.

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Whenever I am asked what my plans are after leaving school, I become speechless. I can't help but feel frustrated when I hear the question, "Where do you see yourself five years from now?" because I don't know. I cannot picture my future. It's like I'm watching a channel with only static noise.

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I am lost and I can't help but feel anxious because I feel like a lot is expected from me now that I graduated. I dread attending gatherings because I know that I'd be asked the same set of questions I have no answers to. They'd ask me about my plans and I am ashamed to let them know of my uncertainties.

At some point, I started hating myself for not knowing where to go next. I can't help but feel a little bit envious of my friends who are so sure of what they want to do, for having a clear picture of who they want to be. There were nights where I cried myself to sleep because I find myself standing at a crossroad, unsure of which path to take. I am scared of making a choice because I am scared that I'd just make a mistake.

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At some point, I started hating myself for not knowing where to go next. I can't help but feel a little bit envious of my friends who are so sure of what they want to do, for having a clear picture of who they want to be.

I am so desperate to have answers that even my 11:11 wish is about finding my direction. Funny how I can enumerate all the things that I do not want to do, but go blank on the things that I want to do. I am scared because time won't stop for me; it won't wait until I have pulled myself together. I'm just scared of being left behind. But after days of pondering and praying, I realize that I am still young and that I shouldn't rush things. I may not know where to go now, but I know God has reserved a space for me somewhere.

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But after days of pondering and praying, I realize that I am still young and that I shouldn't rush things. I may not know where to go now, but I know God has reserved a space for me somewhere.

So for the young ones like me who are still unsure about what to do next, just breathe. Do not suffocate yourself with questions and do not force yourself to find the answers now. We are on that point of transition; all we can do right now is to trust His plan and to trust ourselves. Grow on your own pace because life is not a race of who gets the answers first.

Lastly, there is no college for life; we just have to experience it. So to my fellow lost ones, we won't stay lost for long; we will be found. For now, let's just go with the flow of life because who knows what we'll find along the way; it could be an answer or it could be a sign. Years from now, we'd look back to the days when we were still lost and say that every twist and turn was worth what we have. Until then, let's just breathe and live.

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PRIMO.

First. Pixie dust and paper cuts – these are the first things Wendy knew about Peter Pan. Aurora first met Prince Philip when she was sixteen. Learning how to ride a bike was also a first while I was growing up, but you are probably the first of too many. The first collection of dust and stars; maybe Luna will try to ask, who was your first? I might answer and tell her that it was you.

The first of too many stars in the sky. You are the first of too many fallen leaves during fall – and you will be the most anticipated snowflake as winter comes. A dark path that you can’t see without any light, hence, you were once the moon and there are the stars that shine so bright at night. Are we too early? Or we just really want to be ahead of time? Even in a glimpse, I would like to see the two of us connect as if we can reach the sky. There are other parts of the heavens you have never saw and other oceans you haven’t laid your feet onto – but the constellations will always wait for you. Close your eyes, love, close your eyes. Start counting backward: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Count backward until you see the twinkling lights that will guide you to the right path. To the right satellite; to the right person. A first.

There are many firsts – first love, first heartbreak, first sport you played, the first thing you do in the morning, the first thing you remember about the person in front of you. There are a lot. It’s actually up to us how we will consider something as a first. So, Primo, you are already a first of too many.

Bea Alamis A day ago
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