From Our Readers: To the Young Ones Who Feel So Lost
"Do you know where you're going to? Do you like the things that life is showing you? Where are you going to, do you know? What are you hoping for, do you know?" —Diana Ross' "Do You Know Where You're Going To
As soon as I heard the first line of the song, I cried.
After those years of hard work, I finally get to wear that black toga. After those days when I barely slept and sacrificing my favorite TV series, I am now a graduate. But after all the graduation parties and get-togethers, there's a question that won't seem to go away: Now what? It's funny how I was so eager to graduate and now that I finally am, I don't know what to do next.
It's funny how I was so eager to graduate and now that I finally am, I don't know what to do next.ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW
Whenever I am asked what my plans are after leaving school, I become speechless. I can't help but feel frustrated when I hear the question, "Where do you see yourself five years from now?" because I don't know. I cannot picture my future. It's like I'm watching a channel with only static noise.
I am lost and I can't help but feel anxious because I feel like a lot is expected from me now that I graduated. I dread attending gatherings because I know that I'd be asked the same set of questions I have no answers to. They'd ask me about my plans and I am ashamed to let them know of my uncertainties.
At some point, I started hating myself for not knowing where to go next. I can't help but feel a little bit envious of my friends who are so sure of what they want to do, for having a clear picture of who they want to be. There were nights where I cried myself to sleep because I find myself standing at a crossroad, unsure of which path to take. I am scared of making a choice because I am scared that I'd just make a mistake.
At some point, I started hating myself for not knowing where to go next. I can't help but feel a little bit envious of my friends who are so sure of what they want to do, for having a clear picture of who they want to be.
I am so desperate to have answers that even my 11:11 wish is about finding my direction. Funny how I can enumerate all the things that I do not want to do, but go blank on the things that I want to do. I am scared because time won't stop for me; it won't wait until I have pulled myself together. I'm just scared of being left behind. But after days of pondering and praying, I realize that I am still young and that I shouldn't rush things. I may not know where to go now, but I know God has reserved a space for me somewhere.
But after days of pondering and praying, I realize that I am still young and that I shouldn't rush things. I may not know where to go now, but I know God has reserved a space for me somewhere.
So for the young ones like me who are still unsure about what to do next, just breathe. Do not suffocate yourself with questions and do not force yourself to find the answers now. We are on that point of transition; all we can do right now is to trust His plan and to trust ourselves. Grow on your own pace because life is not a race of who gets the answers first.
Lastly, there is no college for life; we just have to experience it. So to my fellow lost ones, we won't stay lost for long; we will be found. For now, let's just go with the flow of life because who knows what we'll find along the way; it could be an answer or it could be a sign. Years from now, we'd look back to the days when we were still lost and say that every twist and turn was worth what we have. Until then, let's just breathe and live.
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Outdoors Danielle Flestado @artdkf | May 1, 2020 "I miss the outside world. The last time I went outside of our house was on my birthday. We just bought coffee across our village and went back home immediately. This painting made me feel that I'm in a field, just appreciating the beauty of God's creation. Can you imagine the green grass and pink flowers?"
When everything around you suddenly turns dark, the first thing we'd prolly do, as humans, is to find and grab anything that is closest and nearest to us. We'll hold onto them for as long as we can, trying to collect ourselves and gather courage to adjust our eyesights to the pitch black environment that's consuming us minute by minute. And then you'd hear nothing. Your sense of hearing would somehow go off after not seeing anything for quite awhile. You'll let loose. Cry. Panic. You'll be exhausted for fighting your way out. Then just when you're about to stop and give up, you're no longer afraid. There's only this deafening silence and pithole of darkness that's gonna eat you up alive. And surprisingly, you'll make a home out of it.
You'll make a home out of the darkness that when a ray of light suddenly hits you, you'll try to avoid it. You'll try to cover your eyes. You'll try to cover your ears from the voices trying to help you get out of it. You'll try to hide because your mind and body will go against your will to come out and live. Because the darkness that used to scare you, now comforts you in a way you thought has helped you survived life. And you'll try to live. Day by day. In the darkness. Not knowing where to go. Not knowing where to start. Not knowing who is with you. You will try to live until the darkness that once surrounds you is now within you. And everyday, it's gonna be a cycle of subtle torture. But let me tell you a secret. The darkness won't make you whole.
You'll be broken. And in those hair-like cracks, the light will stubbornly fight its way through until it warms you up. Until you realize to check the switch and turn it on. Until you allow other people to help you find your way back in the light. Until you realize you're ready to live in light again. There's a light at the end of this long and dreading tunnel. The only question that matters: will you let them in?
I always thought of life, like a bead where each piece makes it worth sewing together with other piece of beads to make a stronger bond and to create a beautiful result. Today, how do we bond well with different people especially this difficult time? As this day challenges us to a new normal, may we continue to bead along positively with our life.