Candy Feels

From Our Readers: To the Woman Who Gave Love a Second Chance

Love is unrecognizable this time around.
PHOTO Unsplash

I was about to turn back. I was about to run away. I was about to hide, but you gave me an answer to make me stay. The first moment I fell in love and heartbroken, I learned that any sign of feeling something is dangerous. I found comfort in keeping all my demons at bay. I decided to build a fortification, where I swore to guard the shattered pieces of my heart.

In solitude, I found happiness. In pain, I found beauty in all the ugly parts of me. In brokenness, I found my worth. I came at peace with myself and accepted the flaws that others found unattractive. I was at the peak of enjoying my own company when suddenly you walked into my life.

I felt that there might be something special between us, but I didn't dwell too much in it. I didn't find you a loss at the time. I thought you were just another come-and-go person who will eventually disappear without a trace. It's okay if you just pass by my life and go on with yours. I wouldn't even bother to shed a tear. I was certain that even if I like you, I don't need you. I am strong enough to set anyone free.

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I was certain that even if I like you, I don't need you. I am strong enough to set anyone free.

But months have passed and you still remained, which was confusing to me. I wasn't used to someone staying longer than they should be. This scared me. I know that if you continue to show affection, I might just give in. So I went on and stood firm, not letting you tear down my walls. I held my heart so tight, because I didn't want to surrender it to you nor anyone.

I thought of all the possible things that could go wrong. I wanted to avoid you so bad, but I just can't do it. I realized I am denying something my heart has been waiting for all along. I realized I am defying my feelings. I realized I could actually fall in love again.

Slowly, I responded to your feelings and subtly show interest. I cautiously returned back every word you said, but still careful that you will probably pull away when you finally know I'm falling for you. This went on for the longest time until you dropped those three words on my lap. I didn't know how to respond. I thought I wasn't ready yet, and that I needed more time to reassess my emotions.

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You waited during those times when I would act so tough, when I held back and distanced myself. You made me want to break all the rules and forget the promises I held so dearly. You made me brave enough to express my feelings when I was so used to hiding and pretending. You reminded me that I have the privilege to feel things deeply and allow my heart to do the work. You brought back my soft side and made sure I was comfortable with it. You made me want to hold your hand when I was used to letting go. You assured me that emotions are blessings when I normally saw them as threats. Feelings are irrational, but somehow everything makes sense with you.

Feelings are irrational, but somehow everything makes sense with you.

Love left and came back with a different face. It feels strange to stare with new eyes, to hold new hands, and to hear an unfamiliar laugh. I did not recognize love at first, and it was because love dressed more beautifully than I ever imagined. It was far better than I was hoping for. Love was kinder and gentler this time. I wasn't searching for this sort of love, but it struck me like it was all I needed right from the start.  

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Love saved me from what I thought I knew and from the person I was before. I could have lived behind my walls and forever cherished the pain, but you showed how it was like to give your heart unreserved and accepting the possibility of being hurt again. Pain is inevitable when you love someone, but sometimes there's a kind of love that's worth leaving your comfort zone for. You may have found luxury in independence and desolation, but giving love a second chance doesn't mean it has to be the old similar one you experienced before. You see, cliché as it may sound, love comes in the most unexpected time of your lif. And when it feels like home, love is more powerful than pain, more powerful than anything else.

You see, cliché as it may sound, love comes in the most unexpected time of your lif. And when it feels like home, love is more powerful than pain, more powerful than anything else.

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