Candy Feels

From Our Readers: To the Girl Who Never Loved Herself

It's okay to not be okay.
PHOTO SBS ART Clare Magno

"I'm fine."

You always assured people that you're fine. You even tell it to yourself all the time even when you're not.

Maybe it's because of the way you look. How does it feel not to fit that one dress you've always wanted to wear? How does it feel to be bullied just because of your waistline? Does it hurt when they refer to you as a pig or a whale? Oh, maybe you're just too skinny. How does it feel to starve yourself for that figure you've always wanted to have? Or throw up your last meal in the bathroom? Are you happy with the numbers you see on the weighing scale? Do you love the person you see whenever you look at the mirror?

You're different. No, unique is the right word.

But why are you always trying to fit in? To be one of the cool and popular ones? You're so much better as yourself. Yes, you can always be a better version of yourself. But not to the extent that you won't recognize yourself anymore and hate your reflection in the mirror.

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It's hard, and it hurts whenever you hear awful things about the way you look. It makes you feel ugly and that you're not worth anything. It makes you feel like you're an awful person. And I know how that feels.

I know how it feels when everyone's looking good and you're not. When you look at the mirror and imagine what you would look like if you were much thinner. To hate your hair, your complexion, to hate every single thing about your body and every inch. To hear people telling you that no one's going to like you if you're fat or skinny. To look and feel jealous of those girls in magazines and posters. To wear what they wear and look just like them. I can't cover my ears or hide under the sheets forever to avoid them all.

Know that it's not about the waistline, the hair, the complexion, or even your cup size. You are appreciated.

Tell yourself that you're beautiful. You are wanted. It's not always about Cinderella. You don't have to wear those glass slippers if they're giving you blisters. Be comfortable in your own skin. Know that it's not about the waistline, the hair, the complexion, or even your cup size. You are appreciated.

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And it's okay to tell yourself that you're not fine. It's okay to cry. When you can't bear it all, just cry. Wipe those tears and tell yourself you're strong. I don't know when things are going to be okay for you, and I can't tell right now. But I know it will. Don't let people bring you down.

Their words are very sharp knives, and you've been stabbed so many times. But you'll heal. I know you will.

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