From Our Readers: This Is What Happens Next After You've Decided to Move On
There are moments in our lives that we feel entirely sure of what we want. We want this dream job, we want this dream house, we want this dream car. We put our minds and hearts into all those things and form our decisions towards them. And there are also moments when we realize that we're entirely sure of something—entirely sure that we want to spend our entire lives with them. The odds get trickier once the realization sets in.
You see, when you want your dream job, it doesn't have to "like" you back. The same goes for a dream house and your dream car. But when you want and love a person, things shouldn't be one-sided. When you want to spend your life with someone, they should also want the same thing.
That's where things went wrong with me. When I met this guy, I didn't immediately jump into thinking that he's The One. He was my opposite—rigid, distant, and a man of few words. I, on the other hand, was very loose. I'd move around freely and am very comfortable being anywhere. I was easy to approach and connecting to people was never a problem. I have a free spirit.
But a lot of things happened and we ended up being together. We built our dreams together, even planned our wedding together, thought of names for our future kids, shared our dream jobs, and worked towards them. People told us to take things slowly because we were very young. We didn't listen, of course, and we continued on building our dreams together.
However, the time came when the honeymoon phase passed and our differences made us distant instead of giving us more reasons to stay together. We both realized that the other person's qualities might not be what we need in the long run. But isn't that what makes love genuine and unconditional?
Love isn't just a feeling and, just because we had so many differences doesn't mean that love stops and love cannot grow to appreciate and respect what the other wants. I grew to love him no matter what. I learned to accept his flaws and celebrate his strengths. I embraced the changes no matter how hard they were to accept and adjust to them because at the end of the day, love wins. I do believe that love can endure a lot of things especially differences.
But that was my love. Not his. Once he realized that I wasn't what he wanted, the breakup came—via Facebook chat.
Being told by someone that you are no longer wanted and loved in the way that makes mountains move is painful. Painful is even an understatement. To see your the hopes and dreams you built together break and crumble isn't easy. I don't even know how to move on from it because I'm still in the process of accepting things.
What I know, though, is that building your hopes and dreams should not always be dependent on someone else's. It's good to have goals that you share with the person you love, just not to the point that you allow your relationship consume you and eat you up until you can no longer build dreams for yourself.
To those who feel that their worlds are crashing all around them and that there's no place to go to anymore, I want you to know that a lot of people have been in this same situation before. I am also here with a collapsing world and yet I chose to make this world my home, because it's the only home I know. This world is what we make of it, it is the place for our own hopes and dreams. The ones that are ours alone.