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From Our Readers: This Is How I Want to Remember Love

It's heartbreaking but it was love. And love has its moments.
PHOTO Lionsgate ART Naomi Torrecampo

Let us not say that love left us. Instead, let us say we just decided to let go of love.

That way, when we look back at our story we'd know that we were sure. And that the heartbreak that followed was something we were both ready for. That we wanted to grow apart. And that we wanted to find a better version of love.

Let us try to seem mature. As if our love was tamed. As if it never overflew to the point that we couldn't handle it. This way, when we look back, we'd remember a love that didn't kill us. We'd remember the smell of flowers and not the cigarettes. We'd remember the fireworks and not the blank empty smoke that came after.

We'd remember the harmonies of laughter and not the quiet sound of leaving.

We'd remember missing each other and we'd remember saying goodbye that meant "I am hoping for the best for you".

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Let's try to forget that we ever fought about anything other than who loved each other most. Because remembering you as the man who broke my heart breaks me more each time I have to see you with her, with happiness, with some of the things I could never give you.

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So I'd like to remember you as the lover who made sad days bearable. I'd like to remember you as the one who stayed—on days when it was the hardest to love myself. You never failed to tell me I am beautiful. I'd like to remember you as a proof that it'a not impossible to love and be loved. That it isn't impossible to change dark days to better ones. I'd like to remember you.

I'd like to remember you as a proof that it'a not impossible to love and be loved. That it isn't impossible to change dark days to better ones.

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I'd like to remember you as a writer who scribbled stories from the dead language of the love I failed to see. I want to think of love when I think of poetry. I want to think of gentle hand holding and forehead kisses as if they were poems written on my body, written so many times you won't notice the scars. And that's all I want to remember.

This is how I want to remember love.

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When everything around you suddenly turns dark, the first thing we'd prolly do, as humans, is to find and grab anything that is closest and nearest to us. We'll hold onto them for as long as we can, trying to collect ourselves and gather courage to adjust our eyesights to the pitch black environment that's consuming us minute by minute. And then you'd hear nothing. Your sense of hearing would somehow go off after not seeing anything for quite awhile. You'll let loose. Cry. Panic. You'll be exhausted for fighting your way out. Then just when you're about to stop and give up, you're no longer afraid. There's only this deafening silence and pithole of darkness that's gonna eat you up alive. And surprisingly, you'll make a home out of it.

You'll make a home out of the darkness that when a ray of light suddenly hits you, you'll try to avoid it. You'll try to cover your eyes. You'll try to cover your ears from the voices trying to help you get out of it. You'll try to hide because your mind and body will go against your will to come out and live. Because the darkness that used to scare you, now comforts you in a way you thought has helped you survived life. And you'll try to live. Day by day. In the darkness. Not knowing where to go. Not knowing where to start. Not knowing who is with you. You will try to live until the darkness that once surrounds you is now within you. And everyday, it's gonna be a cycle of subtle torture. But let me tell you a secret. The darkness won't make you whole.

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You'll be broken. And in those hair-like cracks, the light will stubbornly fight its way through until it warms you up. Until you realize to check the switch and turn it on. Until you allow other people to help you find your way back in the light. Until you realize you're ready to live in light again. There's a light at the end of this long and dreading tunnel. The only question that matters: will you let them in?

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