Candy Feels

From Our Readers: The Pains of a Long Distance Lover

It could've been a potential relationship but I guess we're built to fall apart.
PHOTO Screen Gems PHOTO Naomi Torrecampo

I was reading through the screenshots of the messages we shared before. It hurts a lot to see how we started things in the right direction and ended up on the wrong road. We had high hopes, promises of seeing each other, and patience to stick around. I know the feelings we shared for each other were real. I know you're just pushing me away to make things easier for me. And the situation we're in has forced you to believe that love is dead.

Even though you deny your feelings a million times, even though you push me away, I still love you like I did before. I understand that the sleepless nights we've been through for having each other on our minds wasn't enough to satisfy our desires. So we ended up this way. It could've been a potential relationship but I guess we're built to fall apart.

It could've been a potential relationship but I guess we're built to fall apart.

I shouldn't blamed you for hurting me. The pain I've been through was partly because of me. I played with fire so I got burnt. I took the risk of falling in love with someone who lives far away from me.

You, in return, took advantage of that. Don't say that you didn't feel anything towards me now that every hope we had has faded away. I know you did. It's just that you couldn't accept it because it was either too painful or inappropriate to let yourself fall in love and risk your bruised ego. I guess we are just both victims of the circumstances and the ugly fate that has been woven for us.

I guess we are just both victims of the circumstances and the ugly fate that has been woven for us.

I'd like to believe that you loved me, too, that you were also hurt that we haven't seen each other in a while. We both wanted to see each other so bad. We have waited for years until one of us was ready to take a chance. But life somehow got in the way. Things weren't easy and they got harder as each day without you passed by. The right time that we have both been waiting for didn't come.

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Frustrations and disappointments creep in. We started becoming impatient and hopeless. We felt like we have already wasted a lot of time hoping for something that wouldn't even come. A lot of drama happened and the tension between us is heating up like a ball of fire.

Frustrations and disappointments creep in. We started becoming impatient and hopeless. We felt like we have already wasted a lot of time hoping for something that wouldn't even come.

You told me that you other things would be easier than being in a long distance relationship, but you like going through the challenge with me. I never really thought that someone is willing to spend so much of their precious time on me even if I wasn't ready to take the risk.

For that, I thank you. Thank you for keeping the friendship alive all these years even if things got difficult. I know it was fueled by passion and desire for finally expressing our emotions physically. Even so, I'd like to believe that there is love between us. Even just an ounce of it. Even just something friends feel toward each other. Even it was a fleeting moment. Because I know that deep down that even if we were built to fall apart, we would eventually find ourselves together.

Because I know that deep down that even if we were built to fall apart, we would eventually find ourselves together.

We both have tried to wait for each other, but it didn't work out the way we wanted it to be. We would always be open to another chance, another try. I don't know how many chances we still had. It would be an endless chase of the unknown for me.

I'd forever be curious about what it's like to be with you now. I've felt too many emotions that I tried to live in the moment but failed to do so, because the only thing I did was wait and hope for the future. That part when we finally get together. Finally. Even if we are both impatient now. For that, I'm sorry because I've caused you too much trouble. I'm sorry if I somehow got in the way of achieving the life that you want. I hope I didn't. Those were four amazing years.

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So I guess this shall end here—the drama and the rollercoaster ride we both enjoyed and got tired of. I'd love it if you stayed. You should've stayed. But I'll be selfish if I asked you to.

After all, I believe you already have the life that you wanted and I have no place in it. That's better. I've always wanted the best for you, anyway.

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