Candy Feels

From Our Readers: The Guy I Love Only Sees Me as a Sister

I don't want to waste our friendship for a relationship that won't work.
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Years ago, I met you online through a mutual friend. We live on opposite sides of the world. We were in separate relationships that ended too quickly. You were in a long distance relationship and struggling. I was in a relationship that did not work. 

At first, we both treated each other as friends, nothing more and nothing less. You told me about how you were struggling on your long distance relationship. I listened and gave you advice. You did the same for me as I opened up about my past relationship. We became friends, best friends. Later, you told me that you now treat me as your sister.

Months passed, we messaged each other every day, every night. We started talking via video calls. I remember when I kept my phone plugged to the charger the whole day just to video call you. When I'm about to sleep, you're just about to eat your lunch. I always assume that we're a couple in a long distance relationship because you're the first man who saw me sleep, saw me drool, and even hear me snore. I love it when I'm going to sleep and you don't want to end the video call. I love it when I'm getting my lunch and you're going to sleep. I like watching you sleep. I can still remember the longest duration of our video call and my mom asked me if you're my boyfriend. Even when you're busy with your studies, you still have time to call me.

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I always assume that we're a couple in a long distance relationship because you're the first man who saw me sleep, saw me drool, and even hear me snore.

I gave meaning to whatever you did to me. Later, I realized that I am in love with you. Not because you're good looking, smart, and kind but because you care for me. I tried to keep my distance, knowing that you only saw me as a sister, but my feelings are getting stronger the more I push them away. I assumed that you liked me, too, because I felt it. Remember when you called me "honey"? Do you still remember when you asked me on a date once you get back?

I tried to keep my distance, knowing that you only saw me as a sister, but my feelings are getting stronger the more I push them away.

Remember when you stopped calling or texting me for about two months? I thought about you all the time. I was so sad. You drove me crazy. I lost weight. I was careless and stressed. Out of the blue, you messaged me, you called me. I was so happy. I felt alive again. But you told me that you like this girl. I lost it when you mentioned where she lives. Yes, another woman miles and miles away from you, just like me.

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I felt sad, lonely. It hurts a lot. Why can't it be me? I still listened to your stories, though. You told me that you don't like her that much and it gave me hope. After a year of being close again, I feel like we're going back to normal, back to when you saw me as your sister. I still have these special feelings for you. I'm still in love with you.

Now you're 27, and I'm 20. I just graduated from college. I have met a lot of people yet you're still the one that I need. I need you because I love you. I hope that we will see each other someday. I hope that you'll never get tired of my childish act, that you will never get tired of me. I'm afraid that one day, I might assume that you miss me when in fact, you're slowly forgetting about me.

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I'm afraid that one day, I might assume that you miss me when in fact, you're slowly forgetting about me.

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