From Our Readers: The Biggest Lie I Ever Told
I lied when I told you that I'm okay. I lied when I said I'd be going to sleep because all I did was re-read our conversations, smile and cry and laugh at the silly things we talked about.
But the biggest lie I ever told was when I said that I'd stop loving you.
It never occured to me that a love like this would come in my life. I thought of it as something that was not easy, but I never expected it to feel this hard.
Loving you was easy. I feel good as a person loving you. What made it hard was leaving you. I could never do it. I could never abandon you—not now, not ever.
Living my life right now makes me think of all the possibilities that might come my way if I hadn't met you, but I never really wanted you to never be a part of my life. And yet I have to let you go and I have to let these feelings go. I have no cards left to throw on the table. I am all in and all out.
It isn't even a game but it felt like the game's over, like hitting the finish line at the end of the race.
I could still be there for you without asking for more, and still love you as a friend like I always do. It would be hard for me to move on from you while trying my best to be there for you always, my life has always been an irony anyway. But it wouldn't be that hard because you're worth every agonizing pain. My dear, you are even better than the hidden beauty that lies under the depths of the sea.
So if anyone asks me if I still love you. It would only be you that I would think of and I'd say no, not anymore. Then I'll turn my back and leave. Leave with the biggest lie I ever told.