What It Feels Like to Have Separation Anxiety
Having Separation Anxiety (SAD or SepAnx) is no joke. It is like any other types of anxiety, and if you think it's nothing serious, you're wrong.
Have you ever had that feeling of being alone when so many people are around you just because you're not in the presence of someone you are comfortable with? Like a child without her teddy bear, like a newborn baby without her biological mother. You feel cold and helpless. You feel lost.
Even people who are old enough can feel this. It starts when you're young and develops as you grow older. Some get better and some get worse. In my case, I got worse. When I was young, my brother and I were always left in the care of our helpers. When I woke up, my mom would not be there and she comes home whenever I'm already asleep. My separation anxiety has gotten worse every year.
Here are the things people with sepanx, like me, experience:
- You freak out a lot.
When a loved one is holding your hand and they let go of it just for a split second, you would completely lose it. You freak out in large spaces thinking that nobody is there to guide and protect you.
- You feel lonely.
Even in crowded places, you feel lonely just because you are nowhere near the person or the place you are strongly attached with. You feel alone. You feel so cold.
- It's difficult for you to detach yourself.
This is the major problem of those who are experiencing sepanx. This happens when a loved one leaves for good. They find it very difficult to divert attention to different things, especially feelings. You would automatically fall apart and wait for something or someone to come and save you.
- It feels like you have no will to live.
You shut down. You no longer know how to feel or function properly. You cannot leave the boundaries of your home or the arms of your loved ones. Your life is the bicycle and they are the training wheels; you cannot move without them beside you.
- You feel very angry and agitated.
You get angry even when they just went to the store to buy something without saying goodbye. You feel troubled that they won't come back but you wouldn't want to show it on the outside, instead, you'd just get angry.
- You find it hard to sleep alone.
You can no longer sleep alone thinking that a monster would come and take you away from them. You experience having nightmares and waking up in the middle of the night with the feeling of hopelessness, making you crave for the warmth of their body next to you.
- You get so jealous.
When you see them with someone else, and you freak out. You're scared that they'll leave you soon for someone better. You get jealous, like a poison inside you that's trying to get out. You feel insecure,
- You cry uncontrollably.
You become emotional. You cry over the smallest things like when they slightly raise their voice at you or when they look at someone else. You have this burden inside, a heavy feeling as if you are not important anymore.
- You are so clingy.
You cling too much to people. You are too sweet, too near, too close. You get touchy most of the time to the point that they would not be able to get some space to breathe.
- You're always worrying and overthinking.
You overthink. Always. you're always thinking about what you should and shouldn't do. Or if you did something wrong and leave you because of that. You constantly torture your mind of the things you did and the things you didn't do. Everything is a big deal to you because there are things you don't want to lose.
It is always different for everyone but these are things people with sepanx experience mostly every day. If you think that you are going through the same thing, try to do something about it because you can't always depend on someone else. You only have yourself. The world is already scary as it is, and we all know that not everyone stays. People change just like the weather does.