There are times when I wonder why some things don't always turn out the way we planned them. I get disappointed and frustrated easily every time I don't see what I wanted to see. I don't really know why I'm like this; it's like I'm always disappointing myself. I can't even end a day without having a bad feeling about myself. Even when I wake up in the morning, thinking that everything is going to be okay, I realize later on that that's not going to happe.
What college life taught me is that everything is not going to be easy; things are going to suck sometimes.
I am stressed out every time I don't perform well in school. I remember this one moment when four of my friends were on the dean's list except for me. God knows how frustrated I was that time. I almost made it, but my efforts always weren't enough. I've tried so hard, but why is it still hard for me to achieve something? I just feel so worthless, and I don't know what I did wrong to deserve it. I always tend to blame myself for not being good enough. I even doubt myself when I try to explore new things; I always think that it will not turn out fine.
It feels a little too much and I'm tired of disappointing myself anymore. Sometimes I feel like life is so unfair. I feel envious of people who don't even need to try and still do well. I remember reading all the positive thoughts and motivation online just to cheer me up, but they didn't really help. I hate looking at myself and realizing that I don't like what I see.
But there was one moment when I gained my self-esteem back. That moment when I felt proud of myself for that little achievement I got. Later on, I realized that I was busy trying to bring myself down that I didn't see that I can do better, that I am so much more than how I thought of myself. I just have to believe in myself and learn to love my imperfections.
I realized that I was busy trying to bring myself down that I didn't see that I can do better, that I am so much more than how I thought of myself.
At this point in life, growing up hasn't been easy. But one important thing I've learned is that it's okay not to be okay. It's okay to feel that pain. It's okay to fail. Don't be afraid of failing and end up refusing to try something new. Instead, use it as your motivation, use it as the reason why you need to be strong and strive hard for the things that make your life worth it.
Sometimes it gets a little too much of pain for us to learn. After all, nothing will happen if you only focus on the things that weigh you down because no one can lift you up but yourself. Sometimes it gets a little too much of courage to face the reality and accept every challenge in life. We all have struggles, but you shouldn't always let yourself be consumed by negativity. You also need to help yourself to see things differently. Even if it seems hard, you should look at things from the outside. Maybe it happened because it is where you're meant to be. We must learn to look and evaluate every aspect of life. Always have faith in Him, and always keep in mind that everything happens for a reason.