From Our Readers: Polar
Please don't go.
I was too hurt. But in no way am I letting him get out of my grip.
If he only knew the courage I had to earn just for me to say those three words. He was standing right in front of me. I wanted to hug him, but my brain said no. It’s funny how my heart agreed. Saying those words were enough. I can't feel any hurt no more.
He didn't move a bit. He stood still. Against the current of my love, he managed to stand still. Was he this apathetic? Tears started falling on my cheeks. The last time I cried this much was after watching the movie, The Vow, with him, cuddling up after the credits and promising that things would go as we planned. Was I too gullible to believe those promises? It seems like apathy and credulousness aren't fit for each other.
Do you still remember the time you had a cold? Yeah, it was my fault. I went to your house, and it was raining hard. I thought it was sweet. You got mad. You shouted things I know you didn't mean. You were just concerned of what could've happened to me. I apologized but everything got worse. I ran away. I didn't want you to see me cry, but then you followed me with an umbrella on your hand. It was just like in the movies where you're my leading man and I was the damsel in distress. But you were too insensitive and I was too sensitive. Definitely the opposite; and definitely not for each other.
It started to rain. Perfect. How dramatic is it to have a girl painfully begging his soon-to-be ex-boyfriend to not leave her in the middle of the rain? It was rhetoric. Just like him.
He never needed answers. He was a question that wasn't intended to be answered.
He was the mystery that was yet to be solved for he never wanted to be solved. Why the heck did I even try to be the answer? He was the Rubik's cube I dared to solve. I ended messing you up, dislodging ever cube for you to be somehow "perfect." Easy way in, right? But you were rhetoric. And I wanted you to be something you were not. Clearly, not fit for each other.
Please don't go. Please…
I repeated, in case you didn't hear my voice crack. I felt your warmth leaving. My heart turned colder and colder as minutes of silence passed by, your eyes staring into mine, kind of eating me alive. My insides were screaming and begging for you to not go. But you were doing the opposite.
We were in this position for about ten minutes now. Neither of us speaking nor moving. No one was saying anything. But in that moment, we knew everything was over. I did my part, but I think you're just too tired to do yours. And in the spur of the moment, you sneezed so loud that I let out a little laugh…
Don't worry. I still love you even though your sneeze was a bit off.
Don't worry. I'll still miss you even if you'll be gone for real.
Don't worry. I know you'll catch a cold but I won't be storming off to your house this time to make you stay.