I used to stare at you in class. I used to smile when I see you smile even if that smile wasn't meant for me. I used to love hearing your laugh when you talk to your friends. I used to blush when you go near me. I thought that's all there was to this, a crush that happens to you at least once in your life, a feeling that will be easily forgotten. Until I've proven myself wrong..
I was in college when something weird happened. I dreamed of you. I always dream of you every time I thought I've forgotten you. It happens once in a month or maybe twice. From freshman year to senior year and even up until now that I have already graduated. But the weirdest thing is that there were times when I remember you, especially when something I heard or saw reminded me of you. But on days when it doesn't happen, you appear in my dreams.
I remember you when I hear the song "You and Me" because that was the song when we danced together on senior prom. I remember how I was so grateful we were classmates because you wanted all the girls in your class to dance with you one by one. I remember you when I see my old phone because you always borrow it and put all your favorite songs there then listen to it secretly during class hours.
I am happy to remember our little moments. It makes me feel alive when I know someone made me feel all those feelings. But then again you were only supposed to be my high school crush. I'm supposed to forget you. But you won't let me.
At times when I'm so stressed because of school, those times I had no time to think of anything else, you appear in my dreams. Sometimes I don't remember the details of those dreams, sometimes I do. But what I'm sure of is that it you were there and when I wake up all I want is to sleep again to continue that dream because it felt so real—too real that they made me confused that I Googled the meaning behind your constant appearance. I want to know why it happens. Is this normal? Am I crazy? Am I obsessed?
The answer I got? "A recurring person who keeps showing up in your dreams could reflect a feeling or desire that has not been successfully resolved in your waking 'real' life."
Maybe it is true, maybe not. But what I really got from this answer is that maybe not telling you how I felt in high school made these dreams happen. Maybe I should have told you I like you then. Or maybe they tell me that it wasn't just a crush anymore, that it was already love.
It was love even from the beginning. That I was in love with you then until this day. Right now, while writing this confession, I'm thinking, maybe on the day I see you again, I'll finally confess. Face to face. I'll tell you that I liked you. I'll tell you I really like you. Or like in the book I've recently read, this is how I'll tell you: "Maybe I like you so much, I think I might love you."