Since you left the country, I've been telling myself to patiently wait for you. You had to leave the country because of your job and we can't control that. Since you kissed me goodbye, I knew right then that I would face every tomorrow with a heavy sigh, hoping that I'd finally find you right next to me. Days passed when I just cried for no reason, but deep down, I knew the real reason was that I missed you too much it hurts. I promised myself to be strong enough to wait for you, but I never said, I would not cry when you left. Believe me, I tried not to shed tears as often but on some nights, that longing feeling just hurts so bad.
Since you kissed me goodbye, I knew right then that I would face every tomorrow with a heavy sigh, hoping that I'd finally find you right next to me.
I miss you and I'm counting down the days to when I'll see your face again. I get more excited to hold you in my arms as the days draw nearer and nearer. It is as if it lessens the pain of missing you. How I wish we could still do our hobbies together. How I wish I could still update you on how my days went, then we could talk about yours.
When you left, change occupied everything—from the way I used to start my mornings to our routine of having late night conversations. It is just too painful when reality slaps me in the face to think of you every day, knowing that it would take almost a year before we can see each other again. Compared to other relationships, ours is tougher. We can't set our virtual dates in advance because you travel to different countries where you're ordered to go to. We do not have permanent means of communication. We use our cellular phones to connect once your ship has gone home. And if we get lucky, we can use social networking sites. But they're just not enough.
Believe me, I tried not to shed tears as often but on some nights, that longing feeling just hurts so bad.
One of the difficult considerations when you're in this kind of relationship is not having to see you when I really want to, not even virtually. It was much different before from where we stand now. We used to meet somewhere and have fun, but now we just have to wait to somehow have fun. There was a time when we can't even get a chance to talk to each other for two months because your ship's destination suddenly changed its route. I thought I was going to go crazy.
I solemnly prayed each night, hoping you were safe and sound. I wore your shirt at night just to feel your embrace somehow. Your scent became my favorite smell that I even found myself sniffing the nozzle of your perfume. That human-sized teddy bear you sent me for Valentine's Day? I talked to him as if I was sharing my thoughts with you. When I slept at night, I lay my head on his chest, in the same way I used to lie on yours. I miss you so much that it actually hurts now that I remember these things.
I wore your shirt at night just to feel your embrace somehow.
I stayed up late several mornings just to keep up with our time difference. It was tough keeping up with our routine at first. I actually did not mind how much sleep I would get that time, because I knew that what I really wanted was to treasure every second we talked over Skype. I was still lucky to have friends to distract me from reality. But whenever I reached home and locked myself at my room, thoughts of you would always start to wander in my head.
Others might ask how deep my trust for you was that I actually believed you'd never cheat on me. They said you might have a girl in every place you've been to. And I said no, you're different. Infidelity could be one thing that can make us drift apart, but I know you too well. People may not understand how we managed to keep our relationship alive even if we're miles and miles apart, but I know for sure that despite the roadblocks, I am genuinely proud of us for not letting these immeasurable distance take us down. It took us a lot of courage to be separated by seas, and a lot of trust to remain faithful to each another.
Perhaps, it might be difficult to stay where we once stood, but I firmly believe that what we have is worth fighting for. You may be the ship who is inclined to leave, but I would always be your anchor, steady and faithful until you come back home. And even though tides made you lose your way home, the chain connecting the ship to the anchor would always lead us back to each other.
We may be separated by seas but not in our hearts.