I think this problem is familiar to most couples. You are in a relationship, pouring out your love to each other, and then it's inevitable that you share everything, literally everything with each other—everything including passwords. I was also that desperate girl who asked for her boyfriend's passwords. Did I like that? Yes, absolutely.
At first, it seemed harmless, just a simple test of trust but things got ugly eventually. A few weeks ago, I randomly messaged and called a friend and somehow, this guy replied like this conversation was all new to him when we already talked about it quite a few times already. It was not at all flirty. It felt like a chore. Then he probed and probed and probed. That's when it hit me that his girlfriend might be answering his messages for him.
How toxic must it be for all your messages to be screened by your partner. You can never control how someone thinks so—even the messages which don't mean anything can be misinterpreted at times. We all want to be in a relationship where we know we have nothing to hide and are entirely honest about who we are and what we're doing, but we should also be cautious that this won't take a toll on our relationship in the long run.
If sharing passwords works in your relationship, then good for you. It never hurts to look at the other side of the coin though and look at a few reasons why it's not necessary to share your passwords with your partner.
- To preserve your own identity.
I am a firm believer of balance between togetherness and individuality when it comes to relationships. Sure, we share most of the things with our partners but we should consciously maintain who we are, too, as it is crucial to establishing a long-lasting, healthy partnership. It's important to have common interests, but what keep you interesting to your partner are your differences. So why spoil something that keeps the spark alive right?
- It's all about trusting the other person's goodness.
You can ask him about all of his passwords, but if a person decides to cheat on you, they will do it regardless. People choose to cheat because they choose to. They allowed themselves to be involved in something not because you weren't good enough, but because they choose to cheat on you. Stop obsessing on things you cannot control. No matter how much time you spend controlling and trying to prevent your partner from straying, if the person you are in love with is the kind of person to be disloyal, then all your efforts will just go to waste. You can't control what another person does but you can control yourself.
- Respect each other's privacy.
There are just some things that you want to keep to yourself. Not because you want to hide something suspicious from the people you love but you just need them to be your own. We all need our personal space. Do not come to a point where you already smother your significant other. I think more than love, respect should be there first. Talk about your boundaries and try not to feel bad about your partner's preferences. Resentment from your partner in the future is far worse.
- It's for your own peace of mind.
Life is short! Who doesn't want inner peace? There's no point in creating your own heartbreaks. Don't drown yourself into negativity, instead stay afloat. Trust your partner because you love them. Respect them and give them the space to be their own self. Do it for your own peace of mind.