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From Our Readers: If You're Going Through a Heartbreak
Go ahead, allow yourself to be broken.
PHOTO Lily Collins | instagram.com/lilyjcollins

If there was one thing I learned when my father passed years ago, it's that we can never let the person we lost go if we keep on pretending that they're not really gone.

My teachers in school used to remind me that despite the loss I suffered, my father was still there, watching over me and loving me the same way he did when he was still alive. My friends made me believe that him being gone was just a state of mind, that he really wasn't gone, that his physical body was gone, but his memories and love are still among us. Not that I wanted my father totally out of my life, because believe me, I would still give anything to have him back and alive again. 

But think about this: if I keep pretending that I had someone watching over me every time I cross the road, then I would have been badly hit by a truck now.

Sometimes you just have to open your eyes and realize that, yes, they're actually gone. They're no longer here to pull you out of your misery and to wipe your tears when you're alone. They're no longer around to keep you sane and take your hand during your bad days. They're gone, and they won't come back.

Sometimes you just have to open your eyes and realize that, yes, they're actually gone.

So if you're going through a heartbreak, be broken. Cry your heart out. Don't bottle up everything just because the people around you tell you that everything is okay, that you're okay, that he's not really gone. Cry over how the pieces of your heart has turned into tiny broken fragments and wonder how someone can feel empty and broken at the same time. Write about it, sing about it, talk about it. I know that it will never be fully enough to let that part of you that loved them so much go, but for a moment, it will do. It will do. 

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And when time comes, when your heart is out of misery and pain, work on making yourself better. Because a recovery is not a recovery without acceptance. You have to accept that they're gone, that you've been badly broken, before you can heal.

A recovery is not a recovery without acceptance.

I love my father with all my heart and I still miss him every day, but he's gone now. He won't come back. It took me some time (a lot of years and tears) before I fully accepted it, but I'm better now. I can finally sleep without waiting for his lips to subtly touch my forehead, only to end in tears because he won't. And I know that I'm a whole lot different since he was gone, but that's life, isn't it? We grow, we move, we become better versions of ourselves. We never will be able to let go if we keep on bottling up every pain inflicted on us. We never will if we pretend that everything's okay. 

Take your heart and put it right back in your chest. Feel the pain, and know you're alive. 

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