I've said those two words already like it will ever be enough, like they could make everything go back to the way it was, like they could ever stop the pain.
I know they won't.
But still I say those words. And I could say them a thousand times more. If only those two words could just mend our broken hearts. Your heart. Our broken relationship.
I never knew that true love could just vanish like that. Yes, I believe that what we had was true. I know you do, too. It's very real. In fact, it's the realest thing that's ever happened to me. It's my reality. I loved you and I love how it felt to be loved by you. Why do good things come to an end? I know it's stupid of me to ask when this is all my fault.
For not telling you that it started to feel like a dream. That the distance started to bother me. That every time we meet again after four or five or six months, I was scared. Like a hazy view, we started to blur out. You became the dream that I kept on chasing. Our time together felt like a dream that I kept on holding on to. I was scared so I kept on dreaming, pretending that I'm okay to be in that dream with you.
I was always scared.
Because your presence was always accompanied by the fact that you will eventually have to leave. You started to be the person that I constantly have to say goodbye to and I could never get used to that.
It's such a sweet, painful dream, and I'm sorry.
I woke up every time from the same dream and reality kicks me right in the gut. I didn't mind it at first. Reality could beat me black and blue, and I'll fight back. But it's draining, love. I'm not strong enough.
It's hard to dream anymore.
I'm so sorry.
My feelings for you, I can't feel them, I can't find them anymore. They must've left with you every time we kissed goodbye. They must've waited until you got home. They must've accompanied you wherever you needed to go. They must've gotten lost along the way.
I'm going to regret this. I know I will regret this. But I can't love you with a heart that's empty. With feelings, lost. With a mind, made up. Made up to let us go. You don't deserve that.
Only time can tell if we'll ever get back together. And if the universe conspires for us to end up with different people, I just hope that we find a love that's stronger. A love that we deserve. A love that in some distant memory, we used to keep but now we can no longer have.
I'm sorry. Our time is up.