From Our Readers: I Have This Fear of Falling Out of Love
Relationships grow fast and break down quickly, too. That is why my biggest fear is to fall out of love and not the other way around. I would understand it if someone fell out of love for me. I would even accept that truth. But if I'm the one who fell out of love, which is really scary and terrible, I would hate myself.
If I'm the one who fell out of love, which is really scary and terrible, I would hate myself.
Come to think of it, is it really possible to stay in love? To be on fire for someone and have it burning for a long time? To feel the butterflies and that ticklish feeling in your stomach even after you realize you hate the way they talk too loud or crack their knuckles? To want someone so bad you still manage to stay after you have received everything they can offer? To be passionately and crazy in love with someone? Is that even possible?
I am afraid that one day I am going to wake up and realize that I am not the same person anymore. I would not feel anything anymore. I am not in love with you anymore. That it would be like every single butterfly in my stomach died and there is no way I can make them live again. That even your kiss or your hug or even your simple ways of saying I love you would mean nothing to me.
It would be like every single butterfly in my stomach died and there is no way I can make them live again.
I'm afraid that I will find no answer in your eyes anymore no matter how hard I try and look for them. Then I would look for that feeling again in your kisses, maybe somewhere beneath your words, but again there is none. There is nothing. I would search for the answers everywhere and I would find nothing. So I would try everything in order to make me remember why I loved you. I would browse our pictures, watch our videos, read your old letters for me.
I am scared of this because I do not want to hurt people's feelings, especially yours because you loved me for me. So I am sorry in advance if ever that would happen. If I fall out of love in the future, please remember that everything was real. That I loved you and I really had a good time. That I felt infinite with you. And I'm sorry if falling in love with you was the best and exciting feeling because everything about you is easy to love.
If I fall out of love in the future, please remember that everything was real. That I loved you and I really had a good time. That I felt infinite with you.
Still, I hope it would not happen. Because your love is different. If I fell out of love then I will really loathe myself because you are the best thing that ever happened to me. I would regret it if I let you go. Feelings are quite complicated so we never know what might happen, that is why I am sorry in advance and you are already forgiven if ever you do that, too. I hope someday I would find the courage to be better and be stronger for the both of us.