Candy Feels

From Our Readers: I Guess You Will Never Know

You will even know this is for you.
PHOTO SBS ART Clare Magno

I do not even think we are really friends. We have a few classes together but we never talked. You often sit with your friends and you never notice me. We just walk pass each other, while you gladly say hi. It's a bit awkward actually because I'm shy and I get tongue-tied when you acknowledge my presence.

It all started because of our friends who teased us, which I don't really get. We are completely opposite. We are in two different roads that will never meet. You smoke, drink, and go out almost every night. I, on the other hand, am the type of girl who's always at home, studying or just watching movies. Besides, I never liked a guy who smokes. I don't like guys who aren't serious about their studies. That's why I don't know why I'm so into you. I guess you already knew that. That's why you didn't tell me what you feel.

But what you didn't know were the number of times I stared at you. You didn't know how much I think of you every day. You didn't know how many butterflies flutter inside my stomach whenever I see you. You didn't know how much I talk about you with my friends. You didn't know how much I regret not talking to you. You didn't know how many times I read all your tweets. You didn't know that I drew your face. You didn't know that I risked everything just to text you. You didn't know that I always wait for your reply. You didn't know what I'm feeling every time you answer my silly questions. You didn't know how much I wanted to see your name appear on my screen. You don't know everything. You don't know how much I like you. 

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You didn't know how much I wanted to see your name appear on my screen. You don't know everything. You don't know how much I like you. 

You didn't know you're the reason why I drink. Yes, you're the reason. I thought maybe if I'll drink and get drunk, we'll somehow meet in the middle of the road. Maybe you'll be brave enough to tell me what you feel. But then, you didn't. You always leave me wondering if this could be real.

Maybe I just believed them easily. Maybe it's just a joke. Maybe you never wanted me. I'm just so naive. You don't even know me. I'm just foolish to believe that a guy like you will actually like a girl like me. I guess, you will never know these things. You don't have the guts to get to know me better. Maybe it's time to give you up. It's time to give up this fight that I'm fighting alone. You will never know how much it hurts. And you don't have to.

It's time to give up this fight that I'm fighting alone. You will never know how much it hurts. And you don't have to.

To the guy who will never know, you don't have to know all these things about me. What's the point anyway? It will not change anything. It's better off this way that we continue our lives in different directions and that we won't know what we feel about each other. It will both either way anyway.

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