Candy Feels

From Our Readers: "I Can Never Call Him Mine"

Maybe I'd just keep looking at you even though you do not know how much it hurts seeing you with her.
PHOTO Lily Collins | instagram.com/lilyjcollins ART Naomi Torrecampo

I've been hiding these feelings for a long time. Even my friends don't know that I have fallen for you already.

I always see you on the campus. We'd walk past each other. And sadly, that is where everything ends. No smile, no hello, no anything. Why would you even smile at me, right? You won't even approach me and I won't even dare approach you. I'm definitely out of your league. I'm not the type of girl that you want. I'm just this girl who's only talent is writing things. Yes, I do write stories and poems. I don't even know how to play any sport. While you're this simple yet charming basketball player, the star of our campus.

We don't fit in each other's worlds. 

But I'm still hoping. I'm still hoping that one day you would notice me. That one day I would fit in your circle of friends. I hope one day I could be the girl whom you can call "mine," the girl that you're proud to talk about to your family and friends. The girl you would want to spend most of your free time with.

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I wish I could be your cuddle buddy, the one to wipe off your sweat every time you have a game, your number one fan. And I'm willing to be your shoulder to cry on. I'm willing to be your diary. I will never get tired listening to you, I promise.

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I want to be your "usap tayo kasi miss na kita" in this world full of "sige, bukas na lang." I want to be the girl you'll never get tired of. I want to be your coffee buddy, your partner in crime, your everything. And most especially, I want to be the girl that you are afraid to lose. 

But I can't be that girl now. I can never be yours now that you have her. Some say you're lucky that you have her, but I do believe that she's luckier to have you; she has every girl's dream guy.

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Some say you're lucky that you have her, but I do believe that she's luckier to have you; she has every girl's dream guy.

I do know that we're from the opposite sides of our world. I know that I can never have you but if we cross the the same path someday, I'm still looking forward to give us a try. For now, thank you for the heartbreak.

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PRIMO.

First. Pixie dust and paper cuts – these are the first things Wendy knew about Peter Pan. Aurora first met Prince Philip when she was sixteen. Learning how to ride a bike was also a first while I was growing up, but you are probably the first of too many. The first collection of dust and stars; maybe Luna will try to ask, who was your first? I might answer and tell her that it was you.

The first of too many stars in the sky. You are the first of too many fallen leaves during fall – and you will be the most anticipated snowflake as winter comes. A dark path that you can’t see without any light, hence, you were once the moon and there are the stars that shine so bright at night. Are we too early? Or we just really want to be ahead of time? Even in a glimpse, I would like to see the two of us connect as if we can reach the sky. There are other parts of the heavens you have never saw and other oceans you haven’t laid your feet onto – but the constellations will always wait for you. Close your eyes, love, close your eyes. Start counting backward: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Count backward until you see the twinkling lights that will guide you to the right path. To the right satellite; to the right person. A first.

There are many firsts – first love, first heartbreak, first sport you played, the first thing you do in the morning, the first thing you remember about the person in front of you. There are a lot. It’s actually up to us how we will consider something as a first. So, Primo, you are already a first of too many.

Bea Alamis A day ago
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