From Our Readers: I Broke Your Heart
We weren't the best of friends, but you were part of my circle as I was part of yours. I couldn't even remember our first conversation. I just know that we had a lot of friends in common. You were definitely far from my type, and I never saw you as someone who'd become interested with girls.
To me, you were always the guy in glasses who loves computer games better than people. You were the typical loner guy who has too many angst in life. You had too much baggage on your back that it's hard to argue with you about the beauty of life. Your past experiences made you tough—so tough that you tend to build walls around yourself so people will stay away from you.
But one day, you let your walls collapse.
We became close, and you told me things you never told anyone before. You shared your story to me, something which you never did with anyone. You allowed me to know you better. I never expected that our occasional banters about life, about the government, about our system, about my weight, about your penmanship, about my hobbies, and basically about anything and everything will turn into something deeper.
I never expected that our occasional banters about life will turn into something deeper.
You started to text me about random things even when we we're both in class. You started to call me in the middle of the night just because you're hungry and you want to grab some food. You started to pause your games for me. You started to drop by our classroom with a cheeseburger in hand because you know I go hungry at 11 in the morning. You started to show that you care. Our friends started to tease us about it, but we never said anything. You never said anything. I never said anything.
I concluded that everything you're doing was just part of the package of being your friend. After all, you don't have that many of them.
Our random banters became constant conversations which surprisingly kept me awake even until 3AM. I enjoyed talking to you and I kind of knew you felt the same. We have our own views in life and it feels good to see things from a different perspective. Little did I know that our constant late night conversations would make you fall for me.
You said you never knew that kind of love for someone before. You said you never felt that way towards a girl before. You said I was the first. I was flattered when you told me, but I knew deep in my heart that I couldn't possibly feel the same way for you. And so, I am sorry.
I am sorry that I had to be your first love. I am sorry that I had to give you a bad memory. I am sorry that I had to hurt you.
Much as I don't want to cause you pain, I also know that I had to be honest with you. I couldn't make you believe that there can be something between us, because I knew in my heart that I only see you as a friend. I don't want to hurt you, but I also don't want to be unfair and lie to you.
You may look at me again one day and ask yourself why did it ever have to be me. I hope that by then, you won't regret that once, long ago, you fell for me. I'm just sorry that I was that first love who broke your heart.