Are you defending him again?
Every day, you always make yourself believe that you don't guard anyone other than yourself. But then one evening, you found someone who's worth putting your walls down for. Or so you thought. He was a wreck and he was incomplete. He lost himself and you did not mind. Even with his imperfections, you saw how perfect he was. You saw that when nobody else did. Even with how dark his light was, you still saw that one small spark. You thought he was amazing. You did not know there could be something in between the clichéd jokes, absurd conversations, and endless laughs. Who would've thought? You didn't. That was serendipity and that's how you defined it, but how did he see it?
There was always something special by the way you looked at him. It felt like you were insane and that he was your whole world. It wasn't easy, but you kept the feeling anyway because he was with you—you became his confidante and you made him feel better; you made him like himself again. How weird it is to look for your own sould in someone else's and lose yours along the way. But again, you didn't mind.
How weird it is to look for your own soul in someone else's and lose yours along the way.
He already became your habit—a treacherous and addicting habit. You thought that you found your knight who lost his armor, but you didn't. He felt so much better than before and restored himself, he was complete again and the miserable eyes you used to see laughing were replaced by such happy ones. You were happy for him. God knows how happy you were.
You never changed, and you were still there through the ups and downs of his life. You still listened and understood, but there was something odd that you cannot seem to put a finger on. Was it because of you? Was it because of your circumstances? Somewhere along the way, you lost him. Just gone.
You were so hurt and angry at him. But you only felt that for a few seconds then you end up blaming yourself for being naïve. You blame yourself because you still feel the same way. You blame yourself because you were responsible for your pain, and you blame yourself because you knew from the very start that he wasn't the man you used to know. He wasn't the man you talked to before. He wasn't the man you loved. Was it even love?
He didn't fool you, you fooled yourself.
These were the words that echoed inside you because you believed so much in everything, that he would feel the same. But the game's over and you know the truth; he did not fool you, you fooled yourself.
Through all this, you thought that you actually know him but it goes to show that you do not. You're not even halfway there, not even a mile. What devastates you was letting that person get into your life and know more about you. He knows your strengths and weaknesses and what you're capable of. He even knows how to comfort you.
You've always believed that magic happens and that the spark just weakened a little. You believed that you could light it up again. Unfortunately, not all things are magic. Not all things are meant to be. You hate the fact that it won't be the same again and all you have are memories.
He did not fool you, you fooled yourself. So forgive yourself for feeling this way and for having to chase someone who doesn't want to be chased. You ran long enough and time was the witness even if your love was limitless. The pain may stay, but not for long. So forgive and forgive yourself.