From Our Readers: Do They Love the Real You?
Do they love you or just the mask you put on every day?
This question always bothers me every time I look at my reflection on the mirror. I disguise myself everyday to look good, to look kind, and to look intelligent in people's eyes. I am like a snake shedding and changing its skin every season. These are the masks I wear every time I go to school, when I am with my friends, and even my family.
I pretend to be strong but honestly, I am weak. People say they like my unique confidence, but I am not that type of person. People say they like my leadership and bravery, but I want to shout at them about my fears. People say they like my company because I make them laugh, but I cannot even make myself happy. People say I am smart, but I just pretend that I am. People give different definitions of who I am, and I am wondering why they do. I am searching for something in common, but I can't find any from.
People say they like my company because I make them laugh, but I cannot even make myself happy.
Honestly, I enjoyed wearing these masks every day just so I'd fit in. I experienced to be part of the Dean's List, to be adored and appreciated by people, and for me this is the definition of happiness—pretending. One night, I looked at my reflection on the mirror again, I saw a girl with a crooked smile and a burden in her soul.
It just came all of a sudden that everything has changed. Lately, I realized that all my masks are fading and that I am tired of pretending. My grades weren't that good last semester. I just laughed so hard while in deep pain, because I knew it was not the best and that my parents will not be glad. I passed, and I can't believe that happened to me. There was a time when I hated my family because I felt like they didn't care. They always compare me with my cousins who are performing great, and they always made it a point to highlight my mistakes.
I realized that all my masks are fading and that I am tired of pretending.
I started not to talk to my friends. I didn't have the energy to go to school. And my smiles are nowhere to be found anymore. My mind is floating in the air, just floating in vain. I always wished my grandfather would come back to life because he was the one who truly appreciated me in every way since I was a little kid. Am I busy searching for the real me or am I just in doubt? Is it because I don't appreciate my capabilities or maybe because I don't appreciate the people who still believe in me?
Maybe one day I will find all my answers. For now, I want to be true to myself so I can keep myself away from self-doubts and stop struggling to gain a little self-confidence. Lastly, I want to be true to myself to free myself from this disguise.
I also realized that having a mask isn't that bad because sometimes in life, we all become what we pretend to be.
What're you up to today? Submit your OOTD, fanfic, essay, school project, org event, a pic of your latest hobby, or anything you want to be posted on the Candy Bulletin page!
To the Person Who Does Not Know Any 1D Song
By: CJ Reyno
Never in my wildest dream I imagined to meet someone who does not know a single One Direction song or who does not even know, Harry Styles, Louis Tomlinson, Liam Payne, Niall Horan, and err… Zayn Malik. How did you spend your teenagehood without listening to their songs? The disrespect to my #StyPayHorLikSon. My initial reaction, Vas Happenin’?
Since I was 12 years old, that was way back on 2012, One Direction songs have been my official life soundtrip, my go-to songs whenever I feel happy, sad, mad, excited, and etch. I can still remember how people went crazy just to attend their concert here in the Philippines. I must admit, I was one of those. LOL. The group was also dubbed as, “The Biggest Boyband in the World”. They were an era. You really left me in awe when you told me that you do not know a single One Direction song. Their songs are gold. But I was a little hopeful when a new messaged popped up on our conversation, “Hey I know one, Make You Beautiful”.
You do not know how my world collapsed after reading your message. I would like to say that I appreciate the effort, thanks, but they do not have a song entitled, Make You Beautiful, because it is, What Makes You Beautiful. I tried to explain but you said that they are just the same. (Tip: Never fight with a Directioner when it comes to this because we will not let our guards down). No! They are not the same. How can you make this big mistake? LOL. What Makes You Beautiful is One Direction’s debut song. Almost everyone knows this, “you’re insecure, don’t know what for,” ring a bell? The music video of this surpassed 1 billion views on Youtube. On my 21 years of existence, you are the very first person who told me this “I-Thought-It-Was-A-Joke-But-You-Are-Serious” statement.
As a persuasive fangirl, I thought to myself that I should make you appreciate their music, that you should know that it is What Makes You Beautiful, not Make You Beautiful. The group may be in hiatus but their music is and will always remain superior. You are hard-headed lad. We even when to the point where you challenged me to treat so I can make you watch their music video. Am I even surprised that I agreed to this? HAHA. I feel like an agent trying to persuade her customer to buy a property on our company. You do not know how happy I was when you sent me your video listening to What Makes You Beautiful. I felt like I successfully closed a deal with my client. Not to exaggerate but I really jumped because of happiness after watching your video. It was the first message I checked that morning. Thank you for your effort, so much appreciated. Funny how our conversation starts with your innocence on One Direction until it goes deeper and last longer. Up All Nigh conversations which turned to almost Midnight Memories. Ironic how a Directioner had developed an admiration on someone who dislikes her favorite boys? Just like One Direction’s song, Change My Mind, “Never felt like this before. Are we friends or are we more?” I guess, like Liam’s line on Love You Goodbye, “It's inevitable everything that's good comes to an end. It's impossible to know if after this we can still be friends.”
I was happy that I made you listen to One Direction. At least I made you appreciate and made you aware that there is a song called, What Makes You Beautiful, not Make You Beautiful. I am happy that you already found your Girl Almighty. Wish me luck on finding my Summer Love. xoxo, Your Directioner friend
Here's a fan art that I made for Lee Joo Young of Itaewon class! I've been making digital illustration since last year and I'm happy that I was able to see my improvements. I'm also happy to see people's reactions and support for my craft even though all of it are made through my phone (adobe illustrator) only ????. You don't actually have to use expensive or complicated medium as long as you know how to be creative and like what you're doing, then you can do it. ????