From Our Readers: All the Things I Wanted to Tell You
For more or less three years of holding on to you, I've finally chosen to let you go. There are many things that I want to tell you as I'm writing this letter, but let me begin with my apologies.
Sorry for loving you even though you didn't want me to. Sorry for giving my everything to you without being sure if you wanted it in the first place. Sorry for showing you my tears. Sorry for all the awkwardness I brought on our friendship and finally, sorry for ignoring you and hurting you unintentionally. God knows I never really wanted to ignore you those times, but it was just too painful to see you that time. I am trying to heal and be okay with the fact that we're not okay. And I really hope you understand.
Now, I want to tell you how I grateful I am. Thank you for being my first for several times: my very first love team in class; for being my very first guy friend. Thank you for all the laughter, help, comfort, and even the tears. Those are the reasons why I felt alive and those moments would be a few of my most important memories. Thank you for believing that I can do everything, that I can write anything. Thank you for being my most honest critique. Thank you for being my first last dance during prom. Thank you for your efforts to make me smile whenever I'm feeling down. Thank you for motivating me when I feel like I can't do what I am supposed to do.
And thank you for being my most difficult goodbye.
Goodbye. It took me more or less three years to say this single word.
Goodbye to all those daydreams of you being my first and probably my last boyfriend. Goodbye to all those sweet moments because you already have your girlfriend, and it would be so wrong if we continue whatever we have. Goodbye to all the hopes within my heart that one day, you would realize that I am the one that you love—not her. Goodbye to my hopes that when that time comes, I would accept you with everything in me. Goodbye to all those prayers that we would eventually end up together. And goodbye to these feelings that I feel for you, hoping that I can get through this without you by my side.
This letter of goodbye is not only for you but also for myself. I realized that I gave all my love to you without leaving some for myself. I realized that I should have done this a long time ago but it's better late than never, they say. I am now taking a rest, too, because this little heart is very tired of loving you.