Do You Know I Still Love You?
Whenever you see me, do still see the love in my eyes? Do you still feel the warmth radiating off me when we cross paths? Do you still have the anticipating feeling when the clock hits at 7pm? Does your heart beat loudly when you hear my name? My voice? Do you still love me? Do you know I still love you?
At 7 in the evening, I am still waiting for your name to pop on my messenger. In school, I still wish to see you in the corridors and hope that you'll still greet me somehow. On every 8th of the month, I still wonder what gimmick you'll do for us to celebrate our "monthsary." Every time we cross paths, I look into your eyes but yours are fixated on the floor. I still watch you from afar, hope and wish that you'd do things that you did when we were still together and I still love you even if we had already broken up.
They say, when you love someone, you should let them go. It is very ironic to me before. Why would you let go of someone you crave to be with—forever? Why would you let them go if they're already within your grasp? But when I see you being unhappy with our relationship already, it made me realize why am I being selfish? Why does someone have to suffer for the sake of another's happiness? Am I really that selfish?
I let you go. It was hard but it is harder to see you unhappy. What's even harder is me seeing you unhappy because you're with me. It hurt me. It STILL hurts me. I still love you. No, it's not one of those "I still care about you even if we're already broken up." I. STILL. LOVE. YOU. Those are the 4 words I am dying to tell you. But I can't. I don't want you to pity me. I don't want you to come back to me just to help me regain my happiness—regain you. I don't want you to become unhappy again... because of me, mostly.
This letter could actually make you be mine again. You've always got a soft heart; you never wanted me to be sad and hurt. And that is why I am never sending you this. I want you to be happy without having to battle with your conscience. Please be happy. Please let my sacrifice be fruitful. Please be happy.