Candy Feels

Candy Reader Poetry: Ang Kuwento Nating Dalawa

Balang araw sasabihin ko rin sa kanila na mahal pa rin kita. Kahit wala ka na. Kahit hindi na ako at ikaw.
PHOTO Elisse Joson | instagram.com/elissejoson ART Clare Magno

Balang araw ipagsisigawan rin kita,
Sasabihin ko sa kanila
'Yung tungkol sa ating dalawa.
Ikukuwento ko rin yung tungkol sa'kin at sa'yo,
Ikaw at ako,
Tama, ikaw at ako lang.
Kasi 'di ba, wala namang tayo?
Halos tayo, 'yun nga, halos tayo.

'Yung nandoon na sana, kinapos pa.
'Yung iyon na sana, naudlot pa.
Masasabi ko rin sa kanila na ikaw,
Oo, ikaw, 'yung pag-ibig na muntik na.
'Yung ikaw na sana, kaso hindi pala.
'Yung ikaw, ako, tayo. Sana.

Balang araw ipagsisigawan ko rin na oo, siya nga.
'Yung panandaliang ngiti sa aking mga labi,
Ang dahilan sa inyong mga "uy, ang ganda mo"
Noong mga panahong alanganin ang mundo,
Ang naging yakap sa panandaliang malalamig na panahon,
Ang naging inspirasyon sa halos maraming pagkakataon.

Balang araw ipagsisigawan rin kita
Sasabihin ko sa kanilang siya 'yung tamang tao,
Tamang tao sa 'di tamang panahon,
Tamang tao sa maling pagkakataon.
Siya na sana kaso baka napaaga 'yung dating n'ya.

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O baka ako 'yung nahuli,
Kasi may mahal na siya.
Ang sakit 'di ba? May mahal na siya,
May mahal na siya agad
Kahit kailan lang naman natapos 'yung sa'tin?

Pero mali, mali 'yung tayo
Dalang wala nga palang tayo.
'Yung ikaw at ako,
'Yung sa'ting dalawa? 
Kailan lang naman 'di ba?
Bakit naman kasi agad-agad?
Bakit 'di mo hinintay na damdamin ko man lang ay masagad?
'Yung tipong wala na. 
'Yung ubos na. 
'Yung tapos na.

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Balang araw ipagsisigawan ko rin
Na ikaw na nga,
Na kaya ko na. 
Heto na, kaya ko na nga.
Pero teka, asa'n ka na?
Bakit di mo nahintay 'tong araw na kaya ko nang ipagsigawan ka?
Bakit bigla na lamang bumitaw ka?
Bakit ka sumuko?  Bakit ka lumayo?
Bakit ka nagtago? Bakit ka umatras?
Bakit ka umiwas? Bakit ka bumitaw?

Balang araw sasabihin ko rin sa kanilang mahal pa rin kita.
Kahit wala ka na.
Kahit hindi na ako at ikaw.
Ipagsisigawan rin kita.

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Balang araw isisigaw ko rin ang kuwento nating dalawa.
Na sana, hindi na lang ikaw.

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When everything around you suddenly turns dark, the first thing we'd prolly do, as humans, is to find and grab anything that is closest and nearest to us. We'll hold onto them for as long as we can, trying to collect ourselves and gather courage to adjust our eyesights to the pitch black environment that's consuming us minute by minute. And then you'd hear nothing. Your sense of hearing would somehow go off after not seeing anything for quite awhile. You'll let loose. Cry. Panic. You'll be exhausted for fighting your way out. Then just when you're about to stop and give up, you're no longer afraid. There's only this deafening silence and pithole of darkness that's gonna eat you up alive. And surprisingly, you'll make a home out of it.

You'll make a home out of the darkness that when a ray of light suddenly hits you, you'll try to avoid it. You'll try to cover your eyes. You'll try to cover your ears from the voices trying to help you get out of it. You'll try to hide because your mind and body will go against your will to come out and live. Because the darkness that used to scare you, now comforts you in a way you thought has helped you survived life. And you'll try to live. Day by day. In the darkness. Not knowing where to go. Not knowing where to start. Not knowing who is with you. You will try to live until the darkness that once surrounds you is now within you. And everyday, it's gonna be a cycle of subtle torture. But let me tell you a secret. The darkness won't make you whole.

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You'll be broken. And in those hair-like cracks, the light will stubbornly fight its way through until it warms you up. Until you realize to check the switch and turn it on. Until you allow other people to help you find your way back in the light. Until you realize you're ready to live in light again. There's a light at the end of this long and dreading tunnel. The only question that matters: will you let them in?

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