Candy Feels

A Story About My First Kiss

I ended up giving it all up.
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Never let a guy sweep you off of your feet but if he already did, play hard to get at least. Don't give in to his wants easily. Make him work for them. I've been there and making things too easy for him is the biggest mistake I've ever done. Don't hold on to him or cling on to him as if every breath you make depended on him. This isn't mean to scare you. I'm writing this to give you a guide in case you're struggling or are new to this love thing.

I fell for my childhood friend, we lived in different time zones. He was my first kiss, but I wasn't his. That kiss. Looking back now, I wouldn't have realized my feelings if it wasn't for that kiss. It made things complicated for me for a while. I couldn't figure out what that kiss was for. So I consulted my friends, asked them for advice and asked them what I should do. I decided to confess my feelings. It was hard but I did't want to regret that I didn't tell him, especially because he'll be gone for too long again.



I don't really know what to expect. I didn't think about what happens if the feeling was mutual or if you'd just reject me. So I wasn't prepared when he did reject me. He said he felt guilty. He said I would get over it, someday.

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I just stood there, assuring him that it was just a kiss. It would be easy for me to move on from that. I lied.

It was painful but I didn't want to cry. Even if I wanted to, the tears just didn't seem to come.

I still don't understand why even after all this time. He said he felt guilty but that night, he kissed me again. I tried asking him a couple of times about that kiss, but all he did was give me pointless answers. I wish I knew what was going in his mind. I wish I knew his honest feelings about me but that's pretty much impossible. He's just hard to decode. He's a puzzle to me. A type of puzzle that I've been trying to put together, but in the end it's all just a big headache to complete.


So it all ended in "I give up". I gave up trying to reach him. I gave up trying to understand him, and I finally gave up trying to chase him.










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A Simple Learner Who's a Great Pretender

Maybe I'm just a learner, not a weirdo. A learner that knows how to listen and pretend. A simple learner who's a great pretender. Pretending to be slightly dumb enough not to be judged and criticized by those who do not appreciate my existence. We surround ourselves with people who's levels are either beyond or below our intellectual behavior, because as for reality, people may use you either for their success or your downfall. Since then, people tend to judge someone who has an intellect with things they shouldn't be. Making them a criticizer, and most of all, calling them weird.

Honestly, I'm one of this "weirdo" who actually loves to learn things, and for the record, I'm bullied and stressed out for making myself not to learn more and go with the flow to dumbness I had. Have you ever feel being assigned to some task where you know every process to make it easier and faster to finish but turns out to hesitate to voice out because some of your mates put themselves in charge. There are times where I know what to do, what to say, or how to react, but kept myself silent and pretend not to know anything that may help us. Maybe it's a good thing to just go with their ideas and learn from their perspectives, but sometimes you can't control it and says something, and once again called to be a weirdo and let you finish the work by yourself.

It's annoying that you only know one process yet they gave you the whole work and let you finish it by yourself because they insist that "MAGALING KA DIBA?". It's not your fault being an intellectual person, knowing such things that may help you to pursue your dreams, and have the basic knowledge about something. You don't need to know everything, just the basics. And as for those people who do not appreciate your existence, let them be and continue what's the best for you. In some cases, you'll be annoyed by this but most of the time you'll be thankful for it. Not for now but maybe later. Just be yourself either a weirdo, a great pretender, or a simple learner, and always remember to lower your voice and behavior because no one loves that.

Just be a great pretender not to hear any runts and be a good learner that appreciates everything. It's out of nowhere thoughts of mine, but simply I leave you this my favorite life quotation; "Don't introduce yourself, Let your success introduce you"

Jayson Miranda 5 hours ago
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