A Story About My First Kiss
Never let a guy sweep you off of your feet but if he already did, play hard to get at least. Don't give in to his wants easily. Make him work for them. I've been there and making things too easy for him is the biggest mistake I've ever done. Don't hold on to him or cling on to him as if every breath you make depended on him. This isn't mean to scare you. I'm writing this to give you a guide in case you're struggling or are new to this love thing.
I fell for my childhood friend, we lived in different time zones. He was my first kiss, but I wasn't his. That kiss. Looking back now, I wouldn't have realized my feelings if it wasn't for that kiss. It made things complicated for me for a while. I couldn't figure out what that kiss was for. So I consulted my friends, asked them for advice and asked them what I should do. I decided to confess my feelings. It was hard but I did't want to regret that I didn't tell him, especially because he'll be gone for too long again.
I don't really know what to expect. I didn't think about what happens if the feeling was mutual or if you'd just reject me. So I wasn't prepared when he did reject me. He said he felt guilty. He said I would get over it, someday.
I just stood there, assuring him that it was just a kiss. It would be easy for me to move on from that. I lied.
It was painful but I didn't want to cry. Even if I wanted to, the tears just didn't seem to come.
I still don't understand why even after all this time. He said he felt guilty but that night, he kissed me again. I tried asking him a couple of times about that kiss, but all he did was give me pointless answers. I wish I knew what was going in his mind. I wish I knew his honest feelings about me but that's pretty much impossible. He's just hard to decode. He's a puzzle to me. A type of puzzle that I've been trying to put together, but in the end it's all just a big headache to complete.
So it all ended in "I give up". I gave up trying to reach him. I gave up trying to understand him, and I finally gave up trying to chase him.